'Beyond the uniform': Singapore, Brunei officers share stories of lasting friendships as defence ties turn 50

"We encouraged each other, learned from one another and, most importantly, knew that we were not navigating those challenges alone," says one Brunei air force officer.

From left: Major (MAJ) Mahmud Afifi Mohn Kifli from the Royal Brunei Land Force and Lieutenant Colonel (LTC) Shahreel Adam from the Singapore Army. (Photo: MINDEF)

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SINGAPORE: Amid long nights of military planning and discussions, Lieutenant Colonel (LTC) Shahreel Adam from the Singapore Army and Major (MAJ) Mahmud Afifi Mohn Kifli from the Royal Brunei Land Force found common ground over their love of food and banter about weekly football scores.

The two officers, both now 37, first met in 2023 as coursemates at the Singapore Armed Forces' (SAF) Goh Keng Swee Command and Staff College.

They attended the Command and Staff Course, which brings together regular SAF officers, Singapore's Ministry of Home Affairs officers, and invited international officers with the ranks of Major, Lieutenant Colonel, Military Expert 5, Military Expert 6, and their equivalents.

LTC Shahreel remembers his Bruneian counterpart as outgoing and warm, bringing positive energy to the course. As for MAJ Afifi, he found LTC Shahreel to be professional, friendly, and someone who made him feel welcome from day one.

They spent long hours together in the planning room, unwinding and connecting over meals afterwards.

"Within the first interactions already, we knew that we will hit off. And actually, over time, we've realised how much we have in common with each other," LTC Shahreel told CNA.

"I think we sort of skipped a step a little bit. We jumped from being coursemates to friends almost immediately," he said, adding that they later found out how they shared the same alma mater in the University of Western Australia.

What began as a friendship between coursemates soon grew into a bond that transcended borders, with the pair meeting almost every year since.

For MAJ Afifi, their enduring bond is "testament to a friendship that goes far beyond the uniform".

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LTC Shahreel and MAJ Afifi catching up over a meal at Jerudong Food Market in Brunei. (Photo: MINDEF)

Their friendship is one of many forged between servicemen and women from Singapore and Brunei over decades of military cooperation. This year marks the 50th anniversary of defence ties between the two countries, with Singapore's Prime Minister Lawrence Wong visiting Brunei to commemorate the milestone .

Mr Wong, who is also finance minister, and Brunei's Sultan Hassanal Bolkiah attended a joint parade at Muara Naval Base on Saturday (Oct 10), featuring 256 personnel and operational assets from the land, naval and air forces of both armed forces.

The parade was a key milestone in a year-long series of activities commemorating the 50th anniversary, including bilateral exercises across all three services and new areas of cooperation, the Ministry of Defence (MINDEF) said in a news release.

The Singapore-Brunei relations stretch back to the early years of both armed forces. The Royal Brunei Armed Forces was established in 1961, followed by the SAF in 1965, with formal defence relations established in 1976.

Singapore's first Chief of Defence Force, retired Lieutenant-General Winston Choo, had also trained alongside many leaders from Royal Brunei Armed Forces.

"These early professional and personal ties laid strong foundations for bilateral defence relations and have endured across generations," MINDEF said.

"A NATURAL EXTENSION"

Five decades on, that spirit of camaraderie continues through servicemen such as LTC Shahreel from Singapore and MAJ Afifi from Brunei .

The pair caught up when LTC Shahreel's unit trained in Brunei earlier this year, and again when MAJ Afifi visited Singapore for the Shangri-La Dialogue, Asia's premier defence forum.

Their meetings often involve a good meal, reminiscing about their Command and Staff College days and exchanging stories about work challenges.

LTC Shahreel has visited Brunei more than 10 times since his first trip as an officer cadet in 2008. But it was only this year that he had the opportunity to interact with Bruneians beyond MAJ Afifi.

Having heard his friend's stories over the years, he found the experience familiar and seamless.

For both men, the biggest takeaway was the value of having a good friend and counterpart on the other side. LTC Shahreel said he was inspired by how well-read and well-travelled his friend is, and his willingness to share and learn.

MAJ Afifi in turn values LTC Shahreel's humility and sincerity. These qualities, he said, keep him open to different perspectives regardless of rank or experience, while building the trust needed for honest conversations and strong relationships.

The men see their friendship as a "natural extension of the strong relationship" between the two armies and hope more servicemen will forge lasting friendships like theirs.

SHARED EXPERIENCE AS FEMALE LEADERS

For two air force officers, their friendship began with the weight of a shared responsibility.

Almost a decade ago, MAJ Thng Lizhen from the Republic of Singapore Air Force (RSAF) and MAJ (Udara) Noraqidah Efinddi from the Royal Brunei Air Force were the first female platoon commanders participating in the bilateral exercise Exercise Airguard in 2016.

Both were junior officers then, navigating unfamiliar territories and determined to prove themselves.

"Despite being from two different countries, we both shared the same thought that this opportunity comes with heavy responsibilities, and we both wanted to do well and do our country proud so that people would know that it is more than possible for females to take on a leading role for such exercises," said MAJ Thng.

That shared experience helped them connect.

"We were both learning and adapting to our new roles, so there was a mutual understanding and support between us," said MAJ (U) Noraqidah.

From left: MAJ Thng Lizhen and MAJ (Udara) Noraqidah Efinddi during Exercise Airguard in 2016, where they were the first female platoon commanders. (Photo: MINDEF)

For MAJ Thng, now 38, leading a team of full-time national servicemen and regulars in Brunei's unfamiliar terrain and culture added to the pressure.

"The stress and pressure I had on myself to do well was unavoidable," she said.

MAJ (U) Noraqidah, 36, understood those feelings.

"The fact that I am leading and navigating environments where I am often the only female officer or leader in the room can be somewhat isolating, especially early in my career.

"For Exercise Airguard, having another female leader who was also a young, newly commissioned officer gave me a true ally in that journey," she said.

Conversations about training, challenges, and their shared passion for military service set the foundation for their relationship, which has since evolved into a personal friendship.

"We encouraged each other, learned from one another and, most importantly, knew that we were not navigating those challenges alone," MAJ (U) Noraqidah said.

One memory still makes them laugh almost 10 years later.

During Exercise Airguard, the pair stayed up until dawn once, perfecting their plans to brief senior leaders the next morning.

After checking deployment sites at night, they took turns rehearsing their presentations and offering feedback, sacrificing rest to ensure everything would go smoothly.

"It was definitely nerve-racking as it was the first time I had to give a brief to senior leaders from the RSAF and RBAirF (Royal Brunei Air Force). Aqidah encouraged me and gave me the assurance that I was doing well. Till today, we still laugh over this shared memory," MAJ Thng recalled.

MAJ (U) Noraqidah (front row, second from left) in 2016 giving a mission brief to senior leaders during Exercise Airguard in Brunei. (Photo: MINDEF)

Over the years, they have kept in touch through texts and always find pockets of time to catch up over meals.

The two servicewomen believe personal relationships like theirs have practical value when both forces work together. Having trained alongside someone means understanding how they communicate and operate, MAJ (U) Noraqidah said.

"For me, that is what makes these friendships meaningful. We may first meet through an exercise or a course, but the trust we build can continue throughout our careers and contribute to the strength of the wider relationship between our two countries," she added.

MAJ Thng and MAJ (U) Noraqidah catching up in Brunei in 2022. (Photo: MINDEF)

COURSEMATES TO FAMILY FRIENDS

A similar bond developed between 38-year-olds Colonel (COL) David Kan Shengyao from the Republic of Singapore Navy and Commander Mohammad Khairul Anuar Abdullah from the Royal Brunei Navy.

The pair met during the 53rd Goh Keng Swee Command and Staff Course in 2022, where they served as international liaison officers and sponsors and became learning buddies.

The course gave them opportunities to understand each other's professional experiences, personal lives and values.

They kept in touch during birthdays, changes in appointments and overseas deployments.

They soon discovered that they were in “very similar stages" in their lives, said Commander Khairul.

Both officers have two young children, and COL Kan got to know Commander Khairul's family when they visited Singapore.

COL David Kan Shengyao (right) meeting up with Commander Mohammad Khairul Anuar Abdullah and his family in Brunei. (Photo: MINDEF)

Said Commander Khairul: "We talk about our marriages. We talk about our parenting tips and tricks and challenges."

COL Kan added: “There's a lot that we share in common about struggles, kids falling sick, about families having to deal with the times that we are away at sea or on mission as Khairul is going on one really soon.

“That's really something that helps us to increase (our) mutual understanding and really support each other.”

Professional commitments also brought them together regularly.

The two navies participate in the annual Exercise Pelican, alongside dialogues and multilateral exercises, giving the officers opportunities to work together at least once a year.

From left: COL Kan and Commander Khairul during a commissioning ceremony for the KDB Al-Faruq vessel in Brunei. (Photo: MINDEF)

Despite their busy schedules, they still make time to meet up over meals.

The pair believe the naval cooperation lies not only in formal agreements and exercises, but also in the trust built between officers.

For one, COL Kan believes that this friendship that he shares with Commander Khairul reflects the sibling-like relationship between both of their countries.

Said COL Kan: "50 years … you can say it's long, but actually it's still considered quite short."

Commander Khairul added: "(50 years) is obviously a massive, massive milestone. Looking ahead (to) the future, I hope to still be able to participate, if not witness, the 60th, 70th, and so on, anniversary of our relationship."

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一位文莱空军军官说：“我们互相鼓励，互相学习，最重要的是，我们知道我们并非孤军奋战。”

左起：文莱皇家陆军少校马哈茂德·阿菲菲·莫恩·基夫利和新加坡陆军中校沙赫里尔·亚当。（图片：新加坡国防部）

这段音频由人工智能工具生成。

新加坡：在漫长的军事计划和讨论之夜，新加坡陆军中校沙赫里尔·亚当和文莱皇家陆军少校马哈茂德·阿菲菲·莫恩·基夫利因对美食的热爱和对每周足球比分的玩笑而找到了共同话题。

这两名军官现年均为 37 岁，他们于 2023 年在新加坡武装部队 (SAF) 吴庆瑞指挥参谋学院相识，当时是同班同学。

他们参加了指挥参谋课程，该课程汇集了新加坡武装部队正规军官、新加坡内政部官员以及受邀的国际军官，军衔包括少校、中校、军事专家 5 级、军事专家 6 级及其同等级别。

沙赫里尔中校回忆说，他的文莱同行性格外向热情，给课程带来了积极的能量。而阿菲菲少校则认为沙赫里尔中校专业、友善，从第一天起就让他感到宾至如归。

他们在计划室里一起待了很长时间，之后一起吃饭放松身心，增进感情。

“在最初的几次接触中，我们就知道我们会很合得来。事实上，随着时间的推移，我们意识到我们彼此有很多共同点，”沙赫里尔中校告诉亚洲新闻台。

“我觉得我们好像跳过了一个阶段。我们几乎立刻就从同学变成了朋友，”他说，并补充说，他们后来发现他们竟然都毕业于西澳大利亚大学。

两人最初只是同班同学之间的友谊，但很快发展成为超越国界的深厚情谊，此后几乎每年都会见面。

对于阿菲菲少校来说，他们之间持久的友谊“证明了这种友谊远远超越了制服”。

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沙赫里尔中校和阿菲菲少校在文莱杰鲁东食品市场用餐时叙旧。（图片：文莱国防部）

他们的友谊是新加坡和文莱两国军人数十年来军事合作中建立的众多友谊之一。今年是两国建立防务关系50周年，新加坡总理黄循财访问文莱，纪念这一里程碑事件。

兼任财政部长的黄之锋和文莱苏丹哈桑纳尔·博尔基亚于周六（10 月 10 日）在穆阿拉海军基地出席了联合阅兵式，两国陆军、海军和空军共出动 256 名人员和作战装备。

国防部在一份新闻稿中表示，此次阅兵是为期一年的纪念50周年系列活动的一个重要里程碑，其中包括三军联合演习和新的合作领域。

新加坡与文莱的关系可以追溯到两国军队成立初期。文莱皇家武装部队成立于1961年，新加坡武装部队成立于1965年，两国于1976年正式建立防务关系。

新加坡首任国防军总长、退役中将温斯顿·朱也曾与文莱皇家武装部队的许多领导人一起接受过训练。

“这些早期的专业和私人联系为双边防务关系奠定了坚实的基础，并代代相传，”国防部表示。

“自然延伸”

五十年过去了，这种战友情谊仍然通过像新加坡的沙赫里尔中校和文莱的阿菲菲少校这样的军人延续了下来。

今年早些时候，沙赫里尔中校的部队在文莱进行训练时，两人曾有过一次会面；后来，阿菲菲少校访问新加坡参加亚洲首屈一指的防务论坛——香格里拉对话时，两人再次相遇。

他们的聚会通常包括享用美食，回忆在指挥参谋学院的时光，并交流工作中遇到的挑战。

自 2008 年作为军官学员首次访问文莱以来，沙赫里尔中校已访问文莱 10 多次。但直到今年，他才有机会与阿菲菲少校以外的文莱人进行交流。

多年来听过朋友们讲述的故事后，他发现自己的经历既熟悉又自然。

对两人而言，最大的收获是体会到拥有一个好朋友和好伙伴的价值。沙赫里尔中校表示，他的朋友博览群书、游历甚广，而且乐于分享和学习，这让他深受启发。

阿菲菲少校则十分欣赏沙赫里尔中校的谦逊和真诚。他说，正是这些品质让他能够不拘泥于军衔或经验的不同观点，从而建立起坦诚对话和牢固关系所需的信任。

他们将彼此的友谊视为两军之间“牢固关系的自然延伸”，并希望更多的军人能够像他们一样建立起持久的友谊。

作为女性领导者的共同经历

两位空军军官的友谊始于共同肩负的重任。

大约十年前，新加坡共和国空军少校唐丽珍和文莱皇家空军少校（乌达拉）诺拉基达·埃芬迪成为首批参加 2016 年双边演习“空中卫士”的女性排长。

当时他们都是初级军官，身处陌生的领域，决心证明自己。

“尽管我们来自两个不同的国家，但我们都认为这个机会伴随着重大的责任，我们都想好好表现，为国争光，让人们知道女性完全有可能在这样的演习中担任领导角色，”唐少校说道。

共同的经历帮助他们建立了联系。

“我们都在学习和适应新的角色，所以我们之间有相互理解和支持，”诺拉基达少校（U）说道。

左起：少校唐丽珍和少校（乌达拉）诺拉基达·埃芬迪在2016年“空中卫士”演习中，她们是该演习中首批女性排长。（图片：国防部）

对于现年 38 岁的唐少校来说，在文莱陌生的地形和文化中带领一支由全职国民服役人员和正规军组成的队伍，无疑增加了他的压力。

“我给自己施加了很大的压力，想要取得好成绩，这是不可避免的，”她说。

36岁的诺拉基达少校（U）理解这些感受。

“我经常身处一个只有我一个女军官或女领导的环境中，这让我感到有些孤立，尤其是在我职业生涯的早期。

“在‘​​空中卫士演习’中，有另一位同样年轻的新晋军官担任女领导，这让我在那段旅程中拥有了一位真正的盟友，”她说。

关于训练、挑战以及他们对军事服务的共同热情的对话，为他们的关系奠定了基础，此后发展成为私人友谊。

“我们互相鼓励，互相学习，最重要的是，我们知道我们并非独自应对这些挑战，”诺拉基达少校（U）说道。

将近十年过去了，其中一件事仍然让他们开怀大笑。

在“空中卫士”演习期间，两人曾熬夜到黎明，完善计划，以便第二天早上向高级领导人汇报。

在夜间检查部署地点后，他们轮流排练演示并提出反馈意见，牺牲休息时间以确保一切顺利进行。

“那绝对是一次令人紧张的经历，因为那是我第一次要向新加坡空军和文莱皇家空军的高级领导人汇报工作。阿基达鼓励了我，并向我保证我做得很好。直到今天，我们还会笑着回忆起这段共同的经历，”唐少校回忆道。

2016年，诺拉基达少校（前排左二）在文莱举行的“空中卫士”演习期间向高级领导人进行任务简报。（图片：国防部）

多年来，他们一直通过短信保持联系，并且总会抽出时间一起吃饭叙旧。

这两位女兵认为，像她们这样的私人关系在两军协同作战时具有实际价值。诺拉基达少校（海军）说，与人并肩训练意味着了解他们的沟通和行动方式。

“对我而言，这正是这些友谊的意义所在。我们或许最初是通过一次锻炼或一门课程相识，但我们建立的信任可以贯穿我们的整个职业生涯，并有助于加强我们两国之间更广泛的关系，”她补充道。

2022年，唐少校和诺拉基达少校（U）在文莱相聚。（图片：国防部）

从同学到家人朋友

新加坡共和国海军上校（COL）David Kan Shengyao（38岁）和文莱皇家海军指挥官Mohammad Khairul Anuar Abdullah（38岁）之间也建立了类似的友谊。

两人于 2022 年在第 53 届吴庆瑞指挥参谋课程中相识，当时他们担任国际联络官和赞助人，并成为了学习伙伴。

该课程让他们有机会了解彼此的职业经历、个人生活和价值观。

他们在生日、职位变动和海外派遣期间都保持联系。

指挥官凯鲁尔说，他们很快发现彼此的人生阶段“非常相似”。

两位军官都有两个年幼的孩子，坎上校在访问新加坡时结识了凯鲁指挥官的家人。

坎胜耀上校（右）在文莱会见穆罕默德·凯鲁·安努尔·阿卜杜拉司令及其家人。 （照片：国防部）

指挥官凯鲁尔说：“我们谈论婚姻，谈论育儿技巧、诀窍和挑战。”

坎上校补充道：“我们有很多共同的经历，比如遇到困难、孩子生病、家人不得不面对我们不在海上或执行任务的时期，因为凯鲁很快就要执行任务了。

“这确实有助于我们增进相互了解，并真正地互相支持。”

工作上的牵绊也让他们经常见面。

两国海军每年都会参加“鹈鹕”联合演习，此外还会开展对话和多边演习，让两国军官每年至少有机会一起工作一次。

左起：坎上校和凯鲁尔指挥官在文莱举行的KDB Al-Faruq号舰艇服役仪式上。（图片：文莱国防部）

尽管他们日程繁忙，但仍然会抽出时间一起吃饭。

两人认为，海军合作不仅体现在正式协议和演习中，还体现在军官之间建立的信任中。

首先，坎上校认为他与凯鲁尔指挥官之间的友谊反映了他们两国之间如同兄弟般的关系。

坎上校说：“50年……你可以说很长，但实际上仍然算是很短的时间。”

凯鲁尔指挥官补充道：“（50年）显然是一个非常非常重要的里程碑。展望未来，我希望能够参与，甚至见证我们关系的60周年、70周年以及之后的周年纪念日。”

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