I got my degree at 36 while raising two young kids, but I’m still looking for a job – was it worth it?

Believing a degree would give her better career prospects, Jillian Lim juggled work, night classes and two young children, grappling with mum guilt and marital strain. While she’s still looking for a job, she says the experience gave her something she didn’t expect.

The writer wonders if it was worth the stress and marital strain of studying for her degree at 36, with two young children to care for. (Photo: iStock/M_a_y_a)

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Two years ago, after 16 years in the workforce, I decided to get my degree.

I started working at 19 while still in polytechnic, hosting the weekday morning show on the then-Hot FM91.3 before heading to school.

By the time I received my diploma, I thought I deserved a break – I would work first and get my degree later on.

Eventually, I didn’t see the point of going to university. I already had a sought-after job, I was earning a good salary, and I was getting real-world experience.

Periodically, my parents would nag me about going to university.

My mother, a teacher, got her degree in her 40s. She studied part-time – two nights a week – for almost three years.

Midway through her studies, she was hospitalised with meningitis , but she still managed to get her degree – something she is infinitely proud of. The salary jump she received as a degree holder also made a difference to our family.

My father, on the other hand, was more carefree and never felt he needed a university degree. So, it was truly a “do as I say, not as I have done” moment when he made it abundantly clear that I had to have one.

After 16 years of working and, facing impending retrenchment, the writer decided to get the degree she had been putting off since graduating from polytechnic. (Photo: iStock/Igor Suka)

I was already on the retrenchment track at my former company when he decided to nudge me about it again.

“When I was retrenched, I was slightly older than you and with no degree. I wasn’t even rejected from jobs. I couldn’t even land an interview,” he said.

I’m embarrassed to say I reacted like an angsty teen and shot back: “So a degree will magically get me a job?” But I enrolled for a course after that, purely out of guilt for speaking to my dad that way.

If my degree was going to make him happy and reassure him that I’d have a better chance of securing a job, then I’d do it for his peace of mind. I decided on a bachelor’s degree in business marketing to complement my broadcasting portfolio.

Unlike my mother, who spread out her studies, I opted for nightly classes four to five times a week, making for a jam-packed 18 months.

STUDYING AGAIN AFTER 14 YEARS

Walking into a classroom after more than a decade, muscle memory led me to the back. Life experience made me move to the front, where the “smart kids” usually sat.

Instead of sitting at the back of the classroom like she normally would, the writer decided to sit at the front, where the “smart kids” usually sat. (Photo: iStock/hxyume)

There was an even mix of men and women, and even a few working mums. Our lecturer made the encouraging comment that “mothers usually end up doing the best”.

She attributed it to the fact that working mums were busy and had no time to waste, so they were better at managing their time to meet assignment and project deadlines.

No time to waste, indeed. My youngest daughter was barely a year old and not quite sleeping through the night. My four-year-old was still feeling displaced at the arrival of her younger sister. My being busy with school didn’t help.

My husband had also decided to start training for the marathon, so night duties with the baby still fell largely to me as he was exhausted after his runs and could not be roused. I felt anger building up, which I ignored.

My dormant brain managed to keep up despite the lack of sleep – for the first two terms, at least. By the third, however, I had started a new job and was at work from 9am to 6.30pm. The course was also getting more difficult.

The stress was real. My hair started falling out, I was always irritated at my kids, and I resented the fact that my husband had the time to get healthy and was losing weight.

The stress of taking care of two young kids and studying for her degree began to build up by the writer’s third academic term. (Photo: iStock/staticnak1983)

Honestly, I used school as an excuse. When I lost patience or just didn’t want to deal with the kids, I’d lock myself in the room to listen to my lectures again.

If my husband and I argued, instead of talking it out like we usually did, I’d say I had to finish my assignment. I avoided dealing with things, which made home life tense.

By the final term, I had truly had enough. The course was interesting but mentally, I hit a wall. I was exhausted and arguing frequently with my husband, who was picking up the slack putting the girls to bed at night, helping our older daughter with spelling tests, and taking them off my hands on weekends.

Quitting was not an option as it would have been a waste of money. My decision to sit at the front turned out to be the best decision for me – the people there became my group mates and got me to the finish line.

Another mum in my group was solo parenting two sons (one preparing for PSLE) while working full-time and studying at night. We got each other through with empathy and motivational “come on, we are mothers!” pep talks.

WHY AM I EVEN DOING THIS?

At the peak of my stress, I’d often think: Why are we doing this to ourselves? The mum guilt was crushing me and there was no guarantee of a job or promotion. Was this pursuit just a status symbol?

At the peak of studying part-time for her business marketing degree, the writer says she was exhausted and arguing frequently with her husband. (Photo: iStock/cofotoisme)

When my mother was at her night classes, I was unsupervised and spent endless nights watching TV. I loved the freedom but I did feel neglected as well. Surely, my girls were feeling the same way.

I also recognised that my anger at my husband was that, no, my girls didn’t miss me – they were doing fine with their dad.

But I also saw that, for some women, getting a degree was a way for them to reclaim something for themselves – my mother, who couldn’t afford to go to university when she was younger, and my group mate, who put being a wife and mother first.

For my friend, Mieko Nakachi Lange, life just happened. After an unplanned pregnancy made her a young mother, there just wasn’t time or money to think about further studies. It was all about survival.

Now, with her daughters aged 14, 10 and five, the finance associate saw a tiny window and seized the opportunity to study for her degree – something she, like the other women, wanted to do for herself.

THE SINGAPOREAN PAPER DREAM

I can’t say I feel the same as them. If I were gainfully employed and earning a liveable salary, I’d feel no need to get a degree.

Maybe it’s childish rebellion not wanting to conform to the typical Singaporean paper dream.

She would feel no need to get a degree if she were employed with a liveable salary, the writer says. (Photo: iStock/Keeproll)

It has been five months since I graduated – with second upper honours, I’m proud to say – and I have been job hunting.

Updating the “education” part of my resume did give me a sense of accomplishment, but has it improved my chances of getting a job? Not really.

I thought that my work experience coupled with a degree would make me more hireable. But in my job search, I found that my newly acquired degree sometimes put me in the “fresh grad” category, work experience notwithstanding – which put me in a no man’s land.

Perhaps it’s simply the state of the current job market. My degree hasn’t magically opened doors, nor made the sting of countless rejection emails any less sharp. Maybe the return on investment just hasn’t arrived yet.

What I did take away from it all was that I was able to return to school after 14 years while being a mother to two young children and working in a new job. Doing all that showed me I had more discipline than I thought I was capable of.

It taught me that starting late isn’t the same as falling behind. Perhaps not now, but eventually a door will open that could only have been opened by having this paper qualification.

Regardless of when it happens, my girls got to see their mother do something she knew was difficult, do it anyway, finish it – and finish it well.

CNA Women is a section on CNA Lifestyle that seeks to inform, empower and inspire the modern woman. If you have women-related news, issues and ideas to share with us, email CNAWomen [at] mediacorp.com.sg .

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吉莉安·林相信学位能给她带来更好的职业前景，于是她一边工作、上夜校，一边照顾两个年幼的孩子，同时还要应对为人母的愧疚感和婚姻的压力。虽然她仍在找工作，但她说这段经历给了她一些意想不到的东西。

作者不禁思考，36岁还要照顾两个年幼的孩子，为了攻读学位而承受的压力和婚姻紧张是否值得。（图片：iStock/M_a_y_a）

这段音频由人工智能工具生成。

两年前，在工作了16年后，我决定攻读学位。

我19岁就开始工作，当时还在理工学院读书，在去上学之前，在当时的Hot FM91.3电台主持工作日早间节目。

拿到毕业证的时候，我觉得我应该休息一下——我想先工作，以后再去读学位。

最终，我觉得没必要上大学了。我已经有了一份很抢手的工作，收入不错，而且还能积累实际工作经验。

我的父母时不时会唠叨我去上大学。

我母亲是一名教师，她在四十多岁时获得了学位。她利用业余时间——每周两个晚上——学习了近三年。

在她学业进行到一半时，她因脑膜炎住院治疗，但她仍然顺利获得了学位——对此她感到无比自豪。获得学位后，她的薪资也大幅提升，这极大地改善了我们家的生活。

而我父亲则比较无忧无虑，从不觉得自己需要大学学位。所以，当他明确表示我必须获得学位时，这真是一次“只许州官放火，不许百姓点灯”的时刻。

工作十六年后，面临裁员，这位作家决定攻读她自理工学院毕业后就一直搁置的学位。（图片：iStock/Igor Suka）

我当时已经在原公司面临裁员了，但他又一次来催我。

“我被裁员的时候，比你年纪稍大一些，而且没有学位。我甚至连求职的拒绝都没遇到，连面试机会都没有。”他说。

我很惭愧地说，我当时的反应就像个叛逆的青少年，脱口而出：“难道拿到学位就能神奇地找到工作吗？” 但之后我还是报了个班，纯粹是因为对自己那样跟父亲说话感到内疚。

如果我的学位能让他高兴，让他放心我更有可能找到工作，那么为了让他安心，我会去读的。我决定攻读商业营销专业的学士学位，以补充我的广播从业经历。

与我母亲分散学习不同，我选择每周上四到五次晚间课程，这使得我的 18 个月过得异常充实。

时隔14年再次学习

时隔十多年走进教室，肌肉记忆让我不由自主地坐在了教室后排。但生活经验却让我走到了前面，那里通常是“聪明孩子”的座位。

这位作家没有像往常一样坐在教室后排，而是决定坐在前排，也就是“聪明孩子”通常坐的位置。（图片：iStock/hxyume）

男女比例大致相当，甚至还有几位职场妈妈。我们的讲师鼓励我们说：“妈妈们通常最终都会做得最好。”

她认为这是因为职业妈妈们都很忙，没有时间浪费，所以她们更善于管理时间，按时完成作业和项目。

确实，时间紧迫。我的小女儿刚满一岁，晚上还不能睡整觉。四岁的大女儿也因为妹妹的到来而感到不适应。我忙于学校事务，更是雪上加霜。

我丈夫也决定开始备战马拉松，所以晚上照顾宝宝的重担基本还是落在了我身上，因为他跑步后筋疲力尽，怎么也叫不醒。我感到怒火在心中积聚，但我强忍着没去理会。

尽管睡眠不足，我的大脑在前两个学期还能勉强跟上进度。但到了第三个学期，我开始了一份新工作，每天从早上9点工作到下午6点半。课程难度也随之增加。

压力是真实存在的。我开始脱发，总是对孩子们感到烦躁，而且我嫉妒丈夫有时间保持健康并减肥。

到了第三个学期，照顾两个年幼的孩子和攻读学位带来的压力开始累积。（图片：iStock/staticnak1983）

说实话，我把上学当成借口。当我失去耐心或者不想应付孩子们的时候，我就会把自己锁在房间里，重新听一遍课。

如果我和丈夫吵架，我不会像往常那样好好沟通，而是会说我得先完成作业。我总是逃避问题，这让家庭气氛变得很紧张。

到了最后一个学期，我真的筋疲力尽了。课程很有趣，但我的精神却崩溃了。我精疲力竭，经常和丈夫争吵，因为他承担了大部分的家务：晚上哄孩子们睡觉，辅导大女儿拼写测试，周末还要帮我照看她们。

放弃是不可能的，因为那会浪费钱。我决定坐在前面，事实证明这是我做过的最正确的决定——那里的人成了我的队友，他们陪我一起到达了终点。

我群里还有一位妈妈，她独自抚养两个儿子（其中一个正在准备小学离校考试），同时还要全职工作，晚上还要学习。我们互相理解，互相鼓励，说着“加油，我们都是妈妈！”这样的话，互相支持。

我到底为什么要这么做？

压力最大的时候，我常常会想：我们为什么要这样折磨自己？为人母的愧疚感让我喘不过气来，而且工作和晋升也没有任何保证。难道追求这一切仅仅是为了炫耀身份吗？

作者表示，在攻读商业营销学位期间，她一边兼职学习一边努力，但那时她感到非常疲惫，而且经常和丈夫争吵。（图片：iStock/cofotoisme）

母亲上夜校的时候，我无人照看，常常整夜看电视。我喜欢这种自由，但同时也感到被忽视。我的女儿们肯定也有同样的感受。

我也意识到，我对丈夫的愤怒是因为，不，我的女儿们并不想念我——她们和她们的爸爸相处得很好。

但我也看到，对于一些女性来说，获得学位是她们重新获得一些东西的一种方式——比如我的母亲，她年轻时没钱上大学；还有我的组员，她把做妻子和母亲放在第一位。

对我朋友中地美惠子·兰格来说，生活完全是一场意外。一次意外怀孕让她成为了年轻的母亲，她根本没有时间和金钱去考虑继续深造。一切都只是为了生存。

如今，她的三个女儿分别 14 岁、10 岁和 5 岁，这位财务助理看到了一线生机，抓住机会攻读学位——这是她和其他女性一样，想要为自己做的事情。

新加坡纸梦

我并不认同他们的想法。如果我有一份收入稳定的工作，并且能挣到足以维持生计的薪水，我就不会觉得有必要去读大学了。

也许这是一种孩子气的反叛，不愿屈从于典型的新加坡式纸上梦想。

作者表示，如果她能找到一份收入足以维持生计的工作，她就不会觉得有必要去读大学了。（图片：iStock/Keeproll）

我毕业已经五个月了——我很自豪地说，我获得了二等甲级荣誉学位——我一直在找工作。

更新简历中的“教育经历”部分确实让我很有成就感，但这是否提高了我的求职成功率呢？其实并没有。

我原以为工作经验加上学位会让我更容易找到工作。但在求职过程中，我发现即使有工作经验，我新获得的学位有时也会把我归类为“应届毕业生”——这让我陷入了进退两难的境地。

或许这只是当前就业市场的现状。我的学位并没有神奇地为我打开成功之门，也没有减轻无数次拒信带来的刺痛感。也许投资回报尚未到来。

我从中最大的收获是，在照顾两个年幼的孩子并找到一份新工作的同时，我还能时隔14年重返校园。这一切让我意识到，我的自律能力比我想象的要强得多。

它让我明白，起步晚并不等同于落后。或许现在还不行，但总有一天，一扇只有拥有这份学历证书才能打开的大门会为你敞开。

无论何时发生，我的女儿们都亲眼目睹了她们的母亲去做一件她明知困难的事情，但她仍然去做，并且完成了它——而且做得很好。

CNA Women是CNA Lifestyle旗下的一个版块，旨在为现代女性提供信息、赋能和灵感。如果您有与女性相关的新闻、议题或想法想要与我们分享，请发送电子邮件至CNAWomen[at]mediacorp.com.sg。

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