Dating in Korea: Young adults vet partners for values

Young Koreans say political and social differences do not automatically end romance, but many now screen potential partners for values and compatibility. In the Hankook Ilbo roundtable series Tiki-Taka, participants said checks can include social media, online communities, and reactions to issues like gender equality and sexual minorities. Several said political views can signal whether a partner would be supportive, safe, and able to understand their problems.

Participant 2 said a friend checks what online communities someone uses and who they follow on social media before dating them.

Participant 4 said a relationship became more distant after a boyfriend failed to understand women’s greater penalties in dealing with workplace sexual harassment.

Participant 1 said the presidential election was such a major issue that learning a partner had voted for a particular candidate could have prevented the relationship from starting.

Participant 1 said dating has become more of a choice and linked ideological screening for women to safety concerns such as dating violence and illegal filming.

Published Sep 4, 2026 12:00 am KST

Six young Koreans told the Hankook Ilbo they judge partners' politics as a test of whether they would take their side

An image generated by artificial intelligence

Political and social divisions between young men and women have become increasingly visible in Korea, raising questions about whether the divide is spilling over into their romantic relationships.

But for young Koreans themselves, differences in political views do not necessarily make romance impossible. Instead, they say they are finding their own balance between love and personal values — while some see checking a potential partner's views as an essential step before entering a relationship.

The following is the first installment of "Tiki-Taka," a Hankook Ilbo roundtable series that presents the perspectives and ideas of young people whose outlook differs from and may never become the same as that of older generations.

Screening before dating

Participant 2 : “I have a friend who checks what online communities someone uses and who they follow on social media before dating them. She doesn't automatically rule someone out just because they support a particular politician, but she feels that following that politician on social media means they're an active supporter, so it makes her think twice.

“That friend had a conflict with an ex-boyfriend over the gender pay gap. Her boyfriend thought the gender pay gap was a statistical illusion. After going through that experience, she started thinking, ‘If I end up in an unequal situation someday, will this person be on my side?’ It's not simply about supporting different political parties. It's about figuring out whether you can envision a future together.”

Participant 4 : "I don't think I'd go as far as checking someone's social media before meeting them. I don't think I'd judge someone in advance without even meeting them first. I'd actually meet them and try to figure out whether we're compatible and what kind of person they are.

"But I can't say political views wouldn't matter at all. I think politics reflects the most fundamental values through which I view my life. If we're too far apart there, I think we'd end up thinking very differently whenever something happens. Still, if a friend told me she checks someone's social media before meeting them, I'd understand. I'd think she's doing some research beforehand because she's worried about those things. I wouldn't find it strange at all."

Participant 5 : "As long as the person I'm dating doesn't have extreme views, I don't care what their political leanings are. And even when my partner and I disagree about political issues, we respect each other's views. I'm proud of that about our relationship."

Participant 3 : "I don't think there's anything wrong with screening someone's ideology based on your personal likes and dislikes. I don't see anything wrong with saying, 'I don't like people who think this way,' or 'I don't want to date someone who uses this particular online community.' Isn't that basically the same as saying, 'I like handsome people' or 'I like kind people'?"

Participant 6 : "Do women tend to check a potential partner's political views more often?"

Participant 2 : "I think so. Men often seemed to take a partner's political views somewhat naively as simply 'her choice.'"

Participant 1 : "For me, when a man is unusually interested in political issues and really wants to make his opinions heard, it feels a little like a red flag. Most people don't express their political opinions that strongly, so when someone does, it stands out."

Participant 3 : "Even if I support one side and the other person supports the other side, we can still understand each other and say, 'OK, that's how you see it.' The problem comes when someone can't do that and starts imposing their political or ideological views on the other person.

"I wouldn't want to reject someone just because they read something related to a particular political ideology or watch certain content. Someone might simply read it and think, 'So this is how these people think.' It would be a problem if they were involved in something truly extreme, but I don't want to be prejudiced against someone simply because they've viewed that kind of content."

Participant 1 : "You don't necessarily have to ask someone directly about politics. You can get a general sense of where they stand from the words and expressions they use and the way they think during conversations. I think what matters most to me is how they view socially vulnerable people."

Participant 2 : "So you could infer someone's views from whether they dislike Solidarity Against Disability Discrimination protests because they think the protests 'inconvenience other people,' or from how they react to issues involving sexual minorities."

Korea Times illustration by Lee Ji-won

Participant 4 : "I don't think I've ever dated someone who was incompatible with me specifically because of political views, but I've dated people I didn't see eye to eye with on social issues, such as women's issues.

"This happened when I was working at a company. During company dinners, male executives who were old enough to be my father would sometimes subtly touch female employees. In other words, it was sexual harassment. But my boyfriend couldn't understand why the female employees couldn't immediately raise the issue or confront them. His attitude was basically, 'It's unfair, so just stand up to them.'

"For the woman, just being subjected to that is extremely humiliating. And raising the issue within an organization could mean having to consider quitting your job. But he couldn't understand that whole process. I tried to explain that women face greater penalties when dealing with these kinds of problems within a company, but his response was, 'Why would they stupidly just sit there and take it?' That was frustrating.

"I told him that it's not easy for women to confront something like that and that the risks are too great. But because he'd never experienced life as a woman, he just couldn't understand it."

Participant 2 : "Do you think that conflict also played a role in your breakup? Disappointments like that can build up over time."

Participant 4 : "I can't say it had nothing to do with it. It wasn't a major reason, but when I thought about how this person would understand my problems as a partner and whether I could feel understood, I reached the conclusion that he probably wouldn't understand me. I think that made the relationship a little more distant. I felt like I wouldn't be able to rely on him."

A meme about couples who check each other's Instagram accounts, KakaoTalk messages and photo albums — and lately their generative AI chat logs / Captured from Instagram

Screening as safety issue

Participant 1 : "I once dated someone and was very disappointed when I found out that he had voted for a particular candidate in the presidential election. Before that, I hadn't bothered to find out what online communities he used, and I actually avoided finding out because I thought I'd be disappointed if I knew.

"But the presidential election was such a major issue that it naturally came up in conversation. It would be difficult to say that his political choice alone was the decisive reason for our breakup. Still, if I'd known before we started dating, I think there's a possibility I wouldn't have begun the relationship."

Participant 4 : "I was once in a relationship during a period when there were major demonstrations over the impeachment of the president. My boyfriend and I didn't have exactly the same political views, but there was enough overlap that we could talk about politics comfortably.

"But if he had been someone who went to rallies opposing the impeachment, I don't think I could have imagined a future with him. I probably would have broken up with him immediately. If our thinking were that different, it would be hard for me to consider a long-term relationship."

Participant 6 : "Do you really have to be politically compatible to date someone? Couldn't you date while learning to accommodate each other's differences?"

Participant 5 : "If the difference were extreme, it would be difficult. But I think being in love and having somewhat different worldviews can coexist."

Members of a conservative university student group chant slogans during a rally against the impeachment of then-President Yoon Suk Yeol in front of the Constitutional Court in Jongno District, central Seoul, March 4, 2025. Korea Times Photo by Choi Joo-yeon

Participant 2 : "I think the cost of dating has gone up. It costs money, takes time and requires emotional energy. And you have other things you need to be doing with that time, like studying or preparing for a job.

"So the question is, do you really need to date someone whose values are very different from yours and constantly work to accommodate those differences? Even a single date costs a fair amount of money, and you have to make time to see each other at least once a week.

"Dating isn't something you absolutely have to do, so you might think there's no reason to date someone whose political and social values are completely different from yours. I don't think people are necessarily going through some grand process of 'ideological screening.' I think they're just trying to identify areas of incompatibility in advance through ordinary conversations."

Participant 3 : "That's exactly why I don't feel like dating right now. It would be great if I met someone who's a perfect match for me, but in reality it's hard to find someone like that."

Participant 4 : "In the past, people said dating was a must and marriage was a must, but that's not how things are anymore. Honestly, I think of dating as just one form of content, one kind of hobby.

"I go to a concert or watch a movie because I enjoy it, and it makes me happy. But if I'm dating someone who's incompatible with me, it consumes too much emotional energy and causes too much stress.

"If dating isn't a necessity but a choice, I don't think there's a reason to go through all that. If I'm going to date someone, I'd rather meet someone whose values and other characteristics are reasonably compatible with mine."

Participant 1 : "Dating is now closer to being a matter of choice. Just as someone might enjoy watching sports and someone else might not, you can choose to date or not to date.

"For women, ideological screening or checking out a potential partner is also connected to safety. We constantly encounter cases like dating violence and illegal filming that threaten women's lives and safety.

"If you feel that the cost of figuring out whether someone is trustworthy and having a safe relationship is simply too high, you might choose to spend time on hobbies or with friends instead of putting yourself through that process."

This article from the Hankook Ilbo, the sister publication of The Korea Times, is translated by a generative AI system and edited by The Korea Times.

韩国年轻人表示，政治和社会差异并不一定会终结恋情，但许多人现在会筛选潜在伴侣，考察其价值观和契合度。在《韩国日报》的圆桌讨论系列“Tiki-Taka”中，参与者表示，筛选方式包括查看社交媒体、网络社群以及对方对性别平等和性少数群体等问题的态度。一些人指出，政治观点可以反映出伴侣是否能够给予支持、确保安全感，以及是否能够理解他们的困境。

参与者 2 说，一位朋友在与人约会之前会查看对方使用哪些在线社区以及在社交媒体上关注哪些人。

参与者 4 表示，男友未能理解女性在处理职场性骚扰时会受到更严厉的惩罚，导致两人关系疏远。

参与者 1 表示，总统选举是一个非常重大的问题，如果得知伴侣投票给了某个特定的候选人，可能会阻止这段关系的开始。

参与者 1 表示，约会已经变成了一种选择，并将女性的意识形态筛选与约会暴力和非法拍摄等安全问题联系起来。

发布于2026年9月4日凌晨12:00（韩国标准时间）

六名韩国年轻人告诉《韩国日报》，他们会通过评判合作伙伴的政治立场来判断对方是否会站在自己一边。

人工智能生成的图像

在韩国，年轻男性和女性之间的政治和社会分歧日益明显，这引发了人们对这种分歧是否蔓延到他们的恋爱关系中的疑问。

但对韩国年轻人来说，政治观点的差异并不一定意味着恋爱不可能。相反，他们表示正在努力寻找爱情与个人价值观之间的平衡——而有些人则认为，在开始一段感情之前，了解潜在伴侣的政治观点是必不可少的一步。

以下是《Tiki-Taka》的第一期，这是《韩国日报》的圆桌讨论系列，旨在展现年轻人的观点和想法，他们的观点与老一辈不同，而且可能永远不会与老一辈相同。

约会前筛选

参与者 2：“我有个朋友在和某人约会之前，会查看对方使用哪些在线社区以及在社交媒体上关注了哪些人。她不会仅仅因为对方支持某个政治人物就直接排除对方，但她觉得在社交媒体上关注该政治人物意味着对方是该政治人物的积极支持者，所以这会让她三思而后行。”

“那位朋友曾因性别薪酬差距问题与前男友发生冲突。她的男友认为性别薪酬差距只是统计上的假象。经历过这件事后，她开始思考：‘如果有一天我身处不平等的境地，这个人会站在我这边吗？’这不仅仅是支持不同政党的问题，而是要弄清楚你们是否能够共同展望未来。”

参与者4：“我觉得我不会在见面之前就去查看别人的社交媒体。我也不会在没见过面之前就对别人妄下判断。我会先见面，看看我们是否合得来，以及对方是什么样的人。”

“但我不能说政治观点完全不重要。我认为政治反映了我看待生活最根本的价值观。如果我们在这方面分歧太大，我想每当发生什么事，我们的想法都会截然不同。不过，如果朋友告诉我她在见面之前会查看对方的社交媒体，我也能理解。我会觉得她是在事先做些调查，因为她担心这些事情。我一点也不会觉得奇怪。”

参与者5：“只要我约会的对象没有极端观点，我不在乎他们的政治倾向。即使我和我的伴侣在政治问题上意见不一致，我们也会尊重彼此的观点。我为我们的关系中的这一点感到自豪。”

参与者3：“我觉得根据个人喜好筛选他人的意识形态没什么错。我觉得说‘我不喜欢有这种想法的人’或者‘我不想和使用某个特定网络社区的人约会’没什么问题。这不就等同于说‘我喜欢帅哥’或者‘我喜欢善良的人’吗？”

参与者 6：“女性是否更倾向于查看潜在伴侣的政治观点？”

参与者 2：“我也这么认为。男性似乎常常天真地认为伴侣的政治观点仅仅是‘她的选择’。”

参与者1：“对我来说，当一个男人对政治问题异常感兴趣，并且非常想表达自己的观点时，这感觉有点像个危险信号。大多数人不会如此强烈地表达自己的政治观点，所以当有人这样做时，就显得格外引人注目。”

参与者 3：“即使我支持一方，而对方支持另一方，我们仍然可以互相理解，并说，‘好的，你就是这么看的。’问题在于，当有人做不到这一点，并开始将自己的政治或意识形态观点强加于他人时。

“我不想仅仅因为某人读过与某种政治意识形态相关的文章或看过某些内容就拒绝他们。有些人可能只是读了之后会想，‘原来这些人是这么想的。’如果他们真的参与了某种极端活动，那当然会有问题，但我不想仅仅因为某人看过这类内容就对他们抱有偏见。”

参与者1：“你不一定非要直接问别人政治观点。你可以从他们使用的词语、表达方式以及谈话中的思维方式大致了解他们的政治立场。我认为对我来说最重要的是他们如何看待社会弱势群体。”

参与者 2：“所以你可以从某人是否不喜欢反对残疾歧视的声援抗议活动（因为他们认为这些抗议活动‘给其他人带来不便’），或者从他们对涉及性少数群体的问题的反应来推断他们的观点。”

《韩国时报》插图，李智媛绘

参与者 4：“我不认为我曾经和因为政治观点而与我不合拍的人约会过，但我确实和在社会问题上（例如女性问题）与我意见不一致的人约会过。

“这件事发生在我之前在一家公司工作的时候。在公司聚餐期间，一些年纪足以当我父亲的男高管有时会不经意地触碰女员工。换句话说，这就是性骚扰。但我男朋友不理解为什么女员工不能立即提出这个问题或与他们对抗。他的态度基本上是：‘这不公平，所以你们应该勇敢地站出来反抗。’”

对这位女性来说，仅仅是遭受这种对待就极其屈辱。在公司内部提出这个问题可能意味着要考虑辞职。但他完全无法理解这个过程。我试图解释说，女性在公司内部处理这类问题时会面临更大的惩罚，但他却回应说：“她们为什么会傻乎乎地就这么忍气吞声呢？”这真让人沮丧。

“我告诉他，女性要面对这样的事情并不容易，风险也太大了。但他从未体验过女性的生活，所以他根本无法理解。”

参与者2：“你认为冲突也是导致你们分手的原因之一吗？像这样的失望会随着时间的推移而累积。”

参与者4：“我不能说这完全没关系。这并非主要原因，但当我思考这个人作为伴侣能否理解我的问题，以及我是否能感受到被理解时，我得出的结论是他可能不会理解我。我认为这让我们的关系变得有些疏远。我觉得我无法依靠他。”

一个关于情侣互相查看对方Instagram账号、KakaoTalk消息和相册的梗图——最近还包括查看他们用AI生成的聊天记录 / 图片来自Instagram

筛查作为安全问题

参与者 1：“我曾经和一个人交往，后来发现他在总统选举中投票给了某个特定的候选人，我非常失望。在那之前，我从未费心去了解他使用哪些在线社区，实际上，我刻意避免去了解，因为我认为如果知道了我会很失望。”

“但总统选举是个如此重大的话题，自然而然地就成了我们谈话的话题。很难说他的政治选择是我们分手的唯一决定性原因。不过，如果我在开始交往之前就知道这一点，我想我可能就不会开始这段感情了。”

参与者 4：“我曾经在总统弹劾案引发大规模示威游行期间谈恋爱。我和我的男朋友的政治观点并不完全一致，但我们有很多共同点，所以我们可以轻松地谈论政治。

“但如果他是那种参加反对弹劾集会的人，我想我无法想象和他有未来。我可能早就和他分手了。如果我们的想法如此不同，我很难考虑一段长期的恋爱关系。”

参与者 6：“难道真的必须在政治立场上相合才能谈恋爱吗？难道不能在恋爱过程中学会包容彼此的差异吗？”

参与者5：“如果差异非常大，那就很难了。但我认为，相爱并拥有略微不同的世界观是可以共存的。”

2025年3月4日，在首尔市中心钟路区宪法法院前，一群保守派大学生团体成员举行集会，反对弹劾时任总统尹锡烈。韩国时报 崔珠妍摄

参与者2：“我认为约会的成本增加了。它需要花钱、花时间和精力。而你还有其他事情需要利用这些时间去做，比如学习或准备工作。”

所以问题是，你真的需要和一个价值观与你截然不同的人约会，并不断努力去适应这些差异吗？即使只是一次约会也要花费不少钱，而且你们至少每周还要抽出时间见面一次。

“约会并非必须要做的事，所以你可能会觉得没必要和政治和社会价值观与你截然不同的人约会。我不认为人们会进行某种大规模的‘意识形态筛选’。我认为他们只是试图通过日常对话提前发现彼此不合的地方。”

参与者3：“这就是我现在不想谈恋爱的原因。如果能遇到一个和我完美匹配的人当然很好，但实际上很难找到这样的人。”

参与者4：“过去人们说谈恋爱是必须的，结婚也是必须的，但现在情况不一样了。说实话，我觉得谈恋爱只是一种娱乐方式，一种爱好。”

“我去看演唱会或电影是因为我喜欢，这让我快乐。但如果我和不合适的人约会，就会消耗太多的情感能量，造成太多的压力。”

“如果约会不是一种必需品而是一种选择，我觉得就没必要经历这一切。如果我要约会，我宁愿找一个价值观和其他性格特征与我比较相符的人。”

参与者1：“现在约会更像是一种选择。就像有人喜欢看体育比赛而有人不喜欢一样，你可以选择约会，也可以选择不约会。”

“对女性而言，对潜在伴侣进行意识形态筛选或考察也与安全息息相关。我们经常会遇到约会暴力和非法偷拍等威胁女性生命安全的案例。”

“如果你觉得弄清楚某人是否值得信任以及建立一段安全关系的成本太高，你可能会选择把时间花在爱好上或与朋友相处，而不是让自己经历这个过程。”

本文来自《韩国日报》（《韩国时报》的姊妹报），由人工智能生成系统翻译，并由《韩国时报》编辑。