Sumiko at 62: I’m learning to care less – and finding more peace

With age, my emotional bandwidth has shrunk and I have become more selective in how I use it.

Learning to step back from relationships that drain us does not have to mean becoming socially isolated, says the writer.

ST ILLUSTRATION: MANNY FRANCISCO

Published Oct 20, 2026, 05:00 AM

Updated Oct 20, 2026, 05:00 AM

I have always been a great worrier, not just for myself but also for those around me. I worry about the welfare and feelings of family and friends, and even strangers – foreign workers squeezed into the back of a pickup on a hot afternoon, the elderly woman manning the entrance to a public toilet, doormen at the hotels I stay in while on holiday.

Lately, though, I have found my emotional bandwidth shrinking. There is only so much emotional energy I have left in me, and I feel the need to ration it. My own life is already more than I can handle. I no longer want to be entangled in other people’s lives.

随着年龄增长，我的情感带宽变窄了，我使用它的方式也变得更加谨慎。

作者表示，学会从消耗我们精力的关系中抽身出来，并不意味着要与世隔绝。

插图：曼尼·弗朗西斯科

发布于 2026 年 10 月 20 日上午 5:00

更新于2026年10月20日 上午5:00

我一直是个爱操心的人，不仅担心自己，也担心身边的人。我会担心家人朋友的安危和感受，甚至陌生人——比如炎热午后挤在皮卡车后厢的外国劳工，在公共厕所门口值守的老妇人，还有我度假时入住的酒店门童。

但最近，我发现自己的情感容量越来越小。我体内的情感能量终究有限，我感到需要合理分配。我自己的生活已经让我不堪重负，我不想再卷入别人的生活。