The connection between having in-person friends and problematic social media use

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Do you spend too much time on social media? Is it interfering with other parts of your life? New research suggests what could be driving your behavior.

Individuals who are anxious about relationships with other people and try to avoid them — an attachment style researchers call fearful — are most likely to use social media problematically, meaning it interferes with your functioning at work or school.

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People who are fearful about relationships might turn to social media to avoid having to interact with other people, said lead study author Dr. Chris Bjornsen, professor of psychology at Longwood University in Farmville, Virginia.

Conversely, those who are secure in their relationships have the lowest level of problematic social media use. And people who avoid attachments with others have the next lowest levels of problematic social media use, according to the study, published Wednesday in the journal PLOS One and involving 555 Americans ages 18 to 79.

The study associated different attachment styles with different levels of problematic social media use but didn’t prove that certain styles caused the problem, Bjornsen said.

To figure out whether you’re using social media problematically, ask yourself whether you’re performing at the level you want at work or school, Bjornsen suggested. If not, then ask yourself whether it’s because social media is interfering.

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Another sign is if you can’t stick to a period of time when you try not to use social media, or if you feel anxious, depressed, jittery or agitated without it, he said.

Whether your social ties with friends and family are strong is another factor in your relationship to social media. “Most of my students nowadays clearly will say, and own up to the fact, that they don’t know how to talk to each other in real life,” he said.

Parents have a role in making sure young adults know what quality relationships are, and they should mainly take place offline because those tend to be less superficial, Bjornsen said.

Attachment styles form early. If you didn’t have people you could trust growing up, you may need to develop social skills as an adult.

Nurturing relationships is “a skill we learn, and it’s modeled for us as children. We’re not born with that,” said Kimberly Solo, a Medfield, Massachusetts-based therapist who runs She Breaks Free, a community for women in relationships with controlling people, on the platform Mighty. Solo was not involved with the new research.

Consider what you do to push people away, she said. Do you wait a couple of days before responding to texts or reply with one-sentence answers? “Awareness is the first step,” Solo said.

But it’s also important to give yourself goals, such as learning how to strike up a conversation. “A lot of people like to talk about themselves, so if you don’t know what to say, ask someone three questions about themselves,” Solo said.

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It can often feel intimidating to join groups in order to meet new people, she added. So try doing something you’re already good at — say, pottery class — so you feel confident. Then you’ll likely meet people organically.

If you still need help forming healthy relationships, consider seeking a licensed mental health provider .

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If your social media use is problematic, Bjornsen suggests you consider dropping it altogether .

Many of the people I’ve spoken to for my research tell me deleting social media apps from their phones seems unthinkable at first, but they quickly grow to love it. Going offline frees up time for other things that make us truly happy — like moving our bodies , getting outside, helping others , and spending face-to-face time with family and friends.

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If you can’t give up social media entirely, try dramatically curbing your use , Bjornsen said. And see how you feel.

Hopefully, with improved face-to-face relationships, you’ll have less time and desire to use social media anyway.

This research suggests the root causes of a lot of people’s problematic social media use could be offline — so that’s where we need to go to solve the problem.

Kara Alaimo is a professor of communication at Fairleigh Dickinson University and advises parents, students and teachers on how to manage screen time. Her book “Over the Influence: Why Social Media Is Toxic for Women and Girls — And How We Can Take It Back” was published in 2024.

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你是否在社交媒体上花费了太多时间？它是否影响了你生活的其他方面？最新研究揭示了可能驱动你这种行为的原因。

那些对与他人的关系感到焦虑并试图回避关系的人——研究人员称这种依恋类型为恐惧型——最有可能出现社交媒体使用问题，这意味着它会干扰你在工作或学习中的正常发挥。

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他曾帮助数百万人了解不健康的依恋关系。现在，他想帮助你建立安全的依恋关系。

该研究的主要作者、弗吉尼亚州法姆维尔朗伍德大学心理学教授克里斯·比约恩森博士表示，害怕人际关系的人可能会转向社交媒体，以避免与他人互动。

相反，那些在人际关系中感到安全的人，其社交媒体使用问题程度最低。而那些避免与他人建立亲密关系的人，其社交媒体使用问题程度次之。这项发表在周三《PLOS One》期刊上的研究调查了555名年龄在18岁至79岁之间的美国人。

比约恩森表示，该研究将不同的依恋类型与不同程度的社交媒体滥用联系起来，但并没有证明某些依恋类型会导致这个问题。

比约恩森建议，要判断你是否过度使用社交媒体，可以问问自己，在工作或学习中，你的表现是否达到了预期水平。如果没有，那就问问自己，是不是社交媒体干扰了你的工作或学习。

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Z世代喜欢戴耳机——但他们了解其中的风险吗？专家们对此发表了看法。

他说，另一个迹象是，如果你无法坚持一段时间不使用社交媒体，或者如果没有社交媒体就感到焦虑、沮丧、紧张或烦躁。

你与亲朋好友的社交关系是否牢固，也是影响你使用社交媒体程度的另一个因素。“如今我的大多数学生都会坦诚地说，他们不知道如何在现实生活中与人交流，”他说。

比约恩森说，父母有责任确保年轻人了解什么是高质量的人际关系，而且这些关系应该主要在线下进行，因为线下关系往往不那么肤浅。

依恋类型很早就形成了。如果你在成长过程中没有可以信任的人，你可能需要成年后才开始培养社交技能。

“维系人际关系是一项需要学习的技能，我们从小就被榜样所引导。我们并非天生就具备这种能力，”金伯利·索罗说道。她是一位居住在马萨诸塞州梅德菲尔德的治疗师，在Mighty平台上运营着一个名为“她挣脱束缚”（She Breaks Free）的社群，旨在帮助那些与控制型人格关系紧张的女性。索罗并未参与这项新研究。

她说道：“想想你做了哪些事会把别人推开。你会隔几天才回复短信，还是只回复一句话？“意识到这一点是第一步，”索洛说道。

但给自己设定目标也很重要，例如学习如何开启对话。“很多人喜欢谈论自己，所以如果你不知道该说什么，就问别人三个关于他们自己的问题，”索洛说。

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她补充说，加入团体结识新朋友常常会让人感到畏惧。所以，不妨尝试做一些自己擅长的事情——比如陶艺课——这样你会更有自信。然后，你很可能会自然而然地结识新朋友。

如果您在建立健康的人际关系方面仍然需要帮助，请考虑寻求有执照的心理健康服务提供者的帮助。

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如果你的社交媒体使用存在问题，比约恩森建议你考虑完全放弃使用社交媒体。

我采访过的许多人都告诉我，一开始他们觉得从手机上删除社交媒体应用简直不可思议，但很快就爱上了这种感觉。离线让我们有更多时间去做其他真正让我们快乐的事情——比如运动、户外活动、帮助他人，以及与家人朋友面对面交流。

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你觉得没有智能手机就活不下去？为什么翻盖手机可能才是升级之选？

比约恩森说，如果你无法完全戒掉社交媒体，那就尝试大幅减少使用量，看看你的感觉如何。

希望随着人际交往的改善，你会减少使用社交媒体的时间和意愿。

这项研究表明，许多人社交媒体使用问题的根源可能在于线下——因此，我们需要从线下入手来解决这个问题。

卡拉·阿拉伊莫是费尔利·狄金森大学的传播学教授，她为家长、学生和教师提供关于如何管理屏幕时间的建议。她的著作《过度影响：为什么社交媒体对女性和女孩有害——以及我们如何才能夺回控制权》于2024年出版。

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