askST Jobs: My boss keeps making passive-aggressive remarks. How should I respond?

Passive-aggressive remarks are hard enough to handle with peers, but it is even tougher to manage the conversation when they come from your boss.

ST ILLUSTRATION: MANNY FRANCISCO

Published Nov 02, 2026, 05:00 AM

Updated Nov 02, 2026, 07:50 AM

Passive-aggressive remarks from bosses are hard to challenge because of the power gap and workplace hierarchy, says human resource experts.

Employees should answer calmly with neutral questions, ask for direct feedback, and keep records if the remarks keep happening.

If the behaviour becomes demeaning or part of wider mistreatment, raise it with HR or a senior manager, and seek help from the Tripartite Alliance for Fair and Progressive Employment Practices.

In this series, business correspondent Timothy Goh offers practical answers to candid questions on navigating workplace challenges and getting ahead in your career. Get more tips by signing up to The Straits Times’ Headstart newsletter .

Q: How should employees respond when their boss expresses dissatisfaction through sarcasm or indirect remarks?

“The power imbalance makes pushing back feel risky, and in Singapore’s workplaces, where hierarchy and face-saving still shape how people communicate, many employees simply swallow the remark,” said Michelle Koh, managing director at executive search firm The Edge Partnership.

Employees should respond to what their manager says rather than the tone of their remarks, by asking calm, neutral questions instead of reacting defensively.

For instance, if a manager says: “Nice of you to finally send that.”

The subordinate’s response could be: “Was there an earlier deadline I missed? I want to make sure I’m meeting your expectations.”

Koh said: “Passive aggression depends on ambiguity, and a genuine question either turns the remark into useful feedback or takes away its sting.”

If such remarks become a pattern, employees should request a short one-to-one meeting with their manager and raise specific instances without labelling the behaviour.

They could explain that they have sensed dissatisfaction from their manager on several occasions and would prefer to receive direct feedback so they can address any concerns.

“Employees are also encouraged to keep a quiet record of dates and comments, confirm instructions in writing, and resist the urge to match the tone or vent to colleagues,” said Koh.

“But if the remarks become demeaning, target personal characteristics, or form part of a wider pattern of mistreatment, the matter should go to human resource or the manager’s own superior.

“Employees can also seek guidance from the Tripartite Alliance for Fair and Progressive Employment Practices,” she added.

David Leong, managing director of PeopleWorldwide Consulting, said the problem with passive-aggressive managers is that they communicate displeasure without taking responsibility for what they are communicating.

“Sarcasm is sometimes the language of managers who want to exercise authority using implied meaning... So the most effective way to disarm passive aggression is to make the implicit explicit,” he said.

“Ask for clarity, not confrontation – never fight a comment or sarcasm head on as it invites further escalation.”

Leong said respecting authority does not mean accepting disrespect, and professionalism should go both ways.

Employees should continue to treat their managers with respect, even when faced with repeated sarcastic remarks.

“The objective is not to win an argument with your boss, but to protect your dignity yet to show respect without compromising your professionalism,” he said.

同事间的被动攻击性言论已经够难应对了，但如果这些言论来自你的老板，那就更难处理了。

插图：曼尼·弗朗西斯科

发布于 2026 年 11 月 2 日 上午 5:00

更新于2026年11月2日上午7:50

人力资源专家表示，由于权力差距和职场等级制度，很难对老板的被动攻击性言论提出质疑。

员工应冷静地用中立的问题回答，寻求直接反馈，如果此类言论持续发生，则应做好记录。

如果这种行为变得有损尊严或属于更广泛的虐待行为的一部分，请向人力资源部或高级经理提出，并向公平和进步就业实践三方联盟寻求帮助。

在本系列文章中，商业记者Timothy Goh将就如何应对职场挑战和如何在职业生涯中取得成功等坦诚问题，提供切实可行的解答。订阅《海峡时报》的“Headstart”新闻简报，获取更多实用技巧。

问：当老板用讽刺或间接的言语表达不满时，员工应该如何回应？

“权力失衡使得反驳显得有风险，而在新加坡的职场中，等级制度和顾及面子仍然影响着人们的沟通方式，许多员工干脆就默默接受了这种说法，”猎头公司 The Edge Partnership 的董事总经理 Michelle Koh 表示。

员工应该回应经理所说的话，而不是回应经理说话的语气，应该冷静、中立地提出问题，而不是做出防御性反应。

例如，如果一位经理说：“很高兴你终于把那份文件发过来了。”

下属的回应可能是：“我是否错过了之前的截止日期？我想确保我达到了您的期望。”

Koh表示：“被动攻击依赖于模糊性，而一个真诚的问题要么能将这种言论转化为有用的反馈，要么能消除其伤害性。”

如果此类言论成为一种模式，员工应要求与经理进行简短的一对一谈话，并提出具体事例，但不要给这种行为贴标签。

他们可以解释说，他们曾多次感受到经理的不满，因此更希望得到直接反馈，以便解决任何疑虑。

Koh表示：“我们也鼓励员工默默记录日期和评论，以书面形式确认指示，并克制住模仿同事语气或向同事发泄情绪的冲动。”

“但如果这些言论变得有损人格、针对个人特征，或者构成更广泛的虐待模式的一部分，那么此事就应该上报人力资源部门或经理的上级。

她补充说：“员工还可以向公平和进步就业实践三方联盟寻求指导。”

PeopleWorldwide Consulting 的董事总经理 David Leong 表示，被动攻击型管理者的问题在于，他们表达不满，却不为自己表达的内容承担责任。

“讽刺有时是管理者用来行使权威的隐含话语……因此，化解被动攻击最有效的方法就是将隐含的意思明确化，”他说。

“要寻求澄清，而不是对抗——永远不要正面反驳别人的评论或讽刺，因为这只会导致事态进一步升级。”

梁先生表示，尊重权威并不意味着接受不尊重，职业精神应该是双向的。

即使面对经理反复的讽刺挖苦，员工也应该继续尊重经理。

他说：“目的不是为了和老板争论，而是为了维护自己的尊严，同时表达尊重，又不损害自己的职业素养。”