How to move on when you're retrenched in your 30s

Mental Health Matters

Even after retrenched young professionals secure new jobs, the emotional scars can still persist. Recruitment experts and counsellors offer tips on what to do when a layoff disrupts one's sense of self.

Dealing with grief after retrenchment is not a linear process, say experts. (Photo: iStock)

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Last November, I got an email invitation to an in-person meeting with my then-CEO, a rare occurrence. The meeting was also scheduled for a Monday, a day when most of the company typically worked from home.

"Is this a Bad News Meeting?" I asked my boss via online chat. I got a cryptic non-answer in response.

It was, in fact, very bad news. Gathered around a meeting table, the bosses told me and a few other colleagues that we were to be laid off. We would be jobless in a month's time, and would each get a modest severance payout .

I made it through the meeting, but as we gathered around our desks to process the news, the waterworks started. I was aware that getting laid off is always a possibility in many lines of work, but at the age of 31, I hadn't thought I was in that much danger just yet.

I shared hugs and tears with my colleagues, before sitting down to finish an assignment due that day. Focusing on my tasks felt easier than thinking about what would come next.

I was lucky enough to secure another job about half a year later. Now, nearly one year after that fateful email invitation, things are looking up for me career-wise.

Emotionally, however, I think I'm still smarting from the retrenchment.

And I'm not the only one, either. Counsellors and human resource (HR) experts told me that dealing with the retrenchment blues is a gradual process, one that's more common than we may think.

WHEN RETRENCHMENT HITS AT 30

Ministry of Manpower (MOM) data shows that older workers tend to be laid off at a higher rate than the overall working population.

This is partly owing to the fact that they're more expensive given their years of experience, said Mr Adrian Tan, an HR analyst and creator of Sg Layoff Tracker.

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For those of us in our 30s, getting laid off so early in our working life can be quite a shock. It can also be isolating to feel like you're the only one in your social circle dealing with retrenchment.

All around me, my peers were moving ahead in their careers as I was forced to seriously reconsider my career prospects. Was it time to pivot to a different industry? Or should I stick with what was comfortable? What did I even want out of my next role?

For months, these questions swirled in my mind.

According to Ms Michelle Mah, a psychotherapist at counselling firm The Curious Bonsai, it's normal for retrenched professionals in their 30s to feel unmoored.

Your 30s are often touted as the decade when one begins to tick off life's checklist such as building a family, achieving financial stability, and having a solid career trajectory, Ms Mah said.

"A layoff in your 30s hits directly at this intersection of financial commitments, biological clocks, and peak identity formation. It also interrupts this story that we have been conditioned to believe in Singapore – that you get a good degree, a good job and your life is set."

Some of her retrenched clients in this age group feel as though they've fallen behind in life compared to their peers, said Ms Mah.

"Many begin pulling away socially, paralysed by the dread of answering the baseline Singaporean greeting: 'So, what are you doing now?'"

Having to repeatedly explain their layoff to friends, family, and recruiters can even be a traumatic experience for some, she added.

With the disruption of their career trajectories, professionals in their 30s facing retrenchment may feel like they are lagging behind compared to their peers. (Photo: iStock)

Instead of feeling like they have to start over, however, Ms Stephanie Tan, senior consultant (technology) at recruitment firm Ethos BeathChapman, encourages young professionals to have a more optimistic mindset.

"The years of experience they've built don't disappear just because the job did," she said.

Retrenchment can even serve as an impetus to consider a new career direction. Mr David Blasco, the country director of recruiting firm Randstad Singapore, said younger professionals who have been retrenched generally approach their job search with a high degree of agility.

"Unlike previous generations who might have held out for a perfect one-to-one replacement of their old job, talent in their 20s and 30s are much more open to pivoting," Mr Blasco said.

"Once the initial shock wears off, it genuinely is a chance to realign. When we are employed, we often just climb the ladder in front of us without asking if it's leaning against the right wall," he added.

WHEN "FUNEMPLOYMENT" ISN'T SO FUN

I still jokingly refer to my six months of joblessness as "funemployment". In reality, it was anything but fun. As nearly all my friends went to work, I was rotting away in bed, binge-watching comfort television shows from the 2000s.

My inactivity was also the source of a crushing sense of guilt and inadequacy. Most of the "funemployment" content I consumed featured people travelling, picking up new skills, even starting passion projects.

None of that matched my reality. For one thing, I didn’t have the motivation. I was also trying to be frugal because getting laid off coincided with several life milestones.

My fiance and I had put down a sizeable deposit for our wedding venue a month before I was hit with the layoff news. We were also looking for a resale flat. This meant I felt the need to be earning again quickly.

Ms Chloe Tan, counselling psychologist at Talk Your Heart Out (TYHO), a Singapore-based therapy and counselling service, said “funemployment” can look very different depending on a person's circumstances.

Some people may take on temporary work like driving for Grab while turning interactions with customers into networking opportunities.

Others may have enough savings and fewer financial or caregiving responsibilities, allowing them to spend time overseas. Younger adults may also have options such as working-holiday visas or volunteer exchanges.

While all these are valid ways of navigating unemployment, they're not realistic or accessible for everyone.

Ms Chloe Tan's advice is to unfollow or mute social media accounts that trigger feelings of inadequacy, and even limit social media use if necessary.

"Your unemployment does not have to look interesting, adventurous or productive to be meaningful. If you are grieving, paying the bills and trying to find your footing, that is already a lot," she said.

She also stressed the importance of "real connection" by talking to friends, mentors and peers to gain perspective and companionship.

GIVING YOURSELF TIME TO GRIEVE YOUR OLD JOB

MOM's latest labour market data shows that about three in five, or 60.7 per cent, of Singapore residents who were laid off found new jobs within six months.

However, finding a new job is one thing. Moving on emotionally is entirely another.

Naturally, one of the first things people do after losing their job is to update their resume. I'd done this early on, but it was only in my fifth month of unemployment that I actually sent my resume out.

For months, I had been grieving the loss of a job and a close-knit team, and what I thought my career was going to look like.

I dutifully bookmarked different job listings, but when it came down to it, I still couldn't imagine being in a new workplace given my strong sense of belonging at my former company .

In the wake of retrenchment, it can help to acknowledge the job loss and lean on social connections outside of work, according to experts. (Photo: iStock)

Ms Chloe Tan said: "A retrenchment can trigger a range of emotions that are similar to grief.''

Retrenched workers are not just grieving a role or a salary, said Ms Mah. Often, they face what clinicians call "ambiguous loss", a form of grief where official rituals, societal recognition, or formal avenues for mourning are absent.

Even for those who receive a generous severance payout, this feeling of grief is not softened, she added.

"Their grief is frequently invalidated by well-meaning friends or peers who reduce the transition to a simple financial equation, assuming a payout justifies the loss."

Instead of immediately forcing oneself to "move on", Ms Chloe Tan advised that people in this situation give themselves permission to acknowledge the loss.

It's also worth rebuilding a sense of community outside work, she said. Try to reconnect with friends and family, volunteer, join an interest group or hobby club, or simply make an effort to have small interactions with people in your everyday life.

RE-ENTERING THE WORKFORCE

Once you're ready to re-enter the job market, there's no need to feel shame over your retrenchment, said Ms Stephanie Tan.

"Retrenchments have become so common that most employers no longer read it as a reflection of someone's ability," she said.

"My advice to minimise the impact is to just be upfront: be clear about what happened, why the retrenchment happened, and what they've been doing with the time since."

Often, when a candidate has stayed productive, whether that's upskilling or actively networking, it will stand them in good stead with prospective employers, because it signals a growth mindset, she added.

Retrenchment can also be a period for you to reassess the place of work in your life, said experts.

"For many of us here in Singapore, work is rarely just an income source," Ms Mah said. "When identity and career are fused together, a layoff can feel like an existential collapse."

For many of us here in Singapore, work is rarely just an income source. When identity and career are fused together, a layoff can feel like an existential collapse.

To combat this type of thinking, Ms Mah said she encourages her clients to examine where these beliefs stem from. Then, they conduct an "identity audit" to rediscover the parts of themselves that existed before corporate validation: baseline values, creative outlets and non-work relationships.

"The reflexive temptation is to hyper-perform their way out of the crisis by spamming or applying for 50 or more jobs a day.

"This can be masked as productivity. Yet, clinically we understand that a dysregulated nervous system stuck in a threat state cannot make clear, strategic decisions."

It's important to focus on wellness first, entering the job market "from a place of agency rather than panic", said Ms Mah.

While the healing process can sound as daunting as the job hunt, it's enough to take things one step at a time.

At this stage, the aim should not be to wait to feel completely confident before taking the next step, said Ms Chloe Tan.

"Confidence often comes back gradually through small steps, new experiences and reminders that you are still capable. The goal is to move forward while taking care of both your financial reality and your emotional wellbeing."

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心理健康很重要

即使被裁的年轻专业人士找到了新工作，情感创伤也可能依然存在。招聘专家和咨询师就如何应对裁员带来的自我认知冲击提供了建议。

专家表示，应对裁员后的悲伤并非一个线性过程。（图片：iStock）

这段音频是由人工智能工具生成的。

去年十一月，我收到了一封邀请我与时任CEO进行线下会面的邮件，这种情况实属罕见。而且，会议安排在周一，而公司大部分员工通常周一都在家办公。

“这是坏消息会议吗？”我通过在线聊天问老板。他给了我一个含糊不清的回答。

事实上，这真是个糟糕的消息。老板们召集我和其他几位同事围坐在会议桌旁，告诉我们将被裁员。一个月后，我们将失去工作，每人只能拿到一笔数额不大的遣散费。

我勉强熬过了会议，但当我们围坐在办公桌旁消化消息时，我忍不住哭了起来。我知道在很多行业，被裁员都是有可能的，但31岁的我，没想到自己竟然会面临如此大的危险。

我和同事们拥抱、流泪，然后坐下来完成当天要交的作业。比起思考接下来要做什么，专注于手头的工作感觉轻松多了。

大约半年后，我幸运地找到了另一份工作。如今，距离那封改变命运的邀请邮件已经过去近一年，我的事业发展前景一片光明。

但从情感上来说，我觉得我仍然对裁员耿耿于怀。

而且我并非孤例。咨询师和人力资源专家告诉我，应对裁员带来的沮丧情绪是一个渐进的过程，而且比我们想象的要普遍得多。

当裁员潮席卷30人时

人力部（MOM）的数据显示，老年工人的裁员率往往高于整体劳动人口。

人力资源分析师兼 Sg Layoff Tracker 创始人 Adrian Tan 先生表示，部分原因是由于他们拥有多年的经验，所以价格更高。

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对于我们这些三十多岁的人来说，职业生涯早期就被裁员无疑是一个巨大的打击。同时，感觉自己是社交圈中唯一一个遭遇裁员的人，也会让人感到孤立无援。

周围的同龄人都在事业上蒸蒸日上，而我却不得不认真重新考虑自己的职业前景。是时候转行到其他行业了吗？还是应该继续待在舒适区？我究竟想要从下一份工作中获得什么？

几个月来，这些问题一直在我的脑海中盘旋。

据心理咨询公司“好奇盆栽”（The Curious Bonsai）的心理治疗师米歇尔·马赫女士称，对于30多岁被裁员的专业人士来说，感到迷茫是很正常的。

马女士说，人们常说，30多岁是开始完成人生清单上的各项任务的十年，例如组建家庭、实现财务稳定和拥有稳定的职业发展轨迹。

“30多岁时被裁员，直接冲击了经济压力、生物钟和人生巅峰期这三者交汇的时期。它也打破了我们在新加坡被灌输的观念——只要拿到好学位，找到好工作，人生就万事大吉了。”

马女士说，她这个年龄段的一些失业客户感觉自己与同龄人相比，在生活中落后了。

“许多人开始疏远社交，因为他们害怕回答新加坡人最基本的问候语：‘你现在在做什么？’”

她补充说，不得不反复向朋友、家人和招聘人员解释自己被裁员的原因，对一些人来说甚至可能是一种痛苦的经历。

由于职业发展轨迹受阻，面临裁员的30多岁职场人士可能会觉得自己落后于同龄人。（图片：iStock）

然而，招聘公司 Ethos BeathChapman 的高级顾问（技术）Stephanie Tan 女士鼓励年轻的专业人​​士不要觉得必须重新开始，而是要保持更乐观的心态。

“他们多年积累的经验不会因为这份工作结束了就消失，”她说。

裁员甚至可以成为人们考虑新职业方向的契机。招聘公司Randstad新加坡的负责人David Blasco先生表示，年轻的专业人​​士在被裁员后通常会以高度灵活的方式寻找新的工作机会。

布拉斯科先生说：“与以往几代人可能坚持要找到与原工作完全一样的替代工作不同，20多岁和30多岁的人才更愿意转型。”

“最初的震惊过后，这确实是一个重新调整方向的机会。当我们还在工作时，我们常常只是爬上眼前的梯子，却不去问它靠的墙是否正确，”他补充道。

当“失业”不再那么有趣时

我至今仍会开玩笑地把那六个月的失业期称为“快乐失业”。但实际上，那段日子一点也不快乐。几乎所有朋友都去工作了，而我却只能躺在床上，窝在家里狂刷2000年代的治愈系电视剧。

我的无所事事也让我感到深深的内疚和无力感。我浏览的大部分“无所事事”的内容都是关于人们旅行、学习新技能，甚至是开始一些自己感兴趣的项目。

这些都与我的实际情况不符。首先，我根本没有动力。其次，因为失业恰逢我人生中几个重要里程碑，所以我当时也想尽量节俭。

我和未婚夫在得知我被裁员的消息前一个月，已经为婚礼场地支付了一大笔定金。我们还在寻找一套二手公寓。这意味着我必须尽快重新开始赚钱。

新加坡一家名为“倾诉心声”（TYHO）的心理治疗和咨询服务机构的咨询心理学家陈克洛伊女士表示，“失业之乐”会因个人情况的不同而呈现出截然不同的形式。

有些人可能会从事一些临时工作，比如为 Grab 开车，同时将与顾客的互动转化为拓展人脉的机会。

有些人可能积蓄充足，经济或照护责任也较少，因此可以出国游玩。年轻的成年人还可以选择打工度假签证或志愿者交流项目等。

虽然这些都是应对失业的有效方法，但对于每个人来说，这些方法并不现实，也并非人人都能做到。

Chloe Tan 女士的建议是，取消关注或屏蔽那些会引发自卑感的社交媒体账号，必要时甚至可以限制社交媒体的使用。

“你的失业生活不必看起来有趣、充满冒险或富有成效才有意义。如果你正在经历丧亲之痛，还要支付账单，努力重新站稳脚跟，那就已经很不容易了，”她说。

她还强调了与朋友、导师和同龄人交谈以建立“真正联系”的重要性，从而获得不同的视角和陪伴。

给自己时间来哀悼你的上一份工作

人力部最新劳动力市场数据显示，约五分之三（即 60.7%）的新加坡失业居民在六个月内找到了新工作。

然而，找到一份新工作是一回事，走出情感阴影则是完全另一回事。

当然，人们失业后做的第一件事就是更新简历。我早就更新了简历，但直到失业第五个月才真正开始投递。

几个月来，我一直为失去工作和亲密的团队而感到悲伤，也为我原本设想的职业生涯前景感到沮丧。

我认真地收藏了各种招聘信息，但最终，考虑到我对前公司的强烈归属感，我仍然无法想象去一个新的工作场所。

专家表示，在遭遇裁员后，坦然接受失业的事实并依靠工作以外的社交关系会有所帮助。（图片：iStock）

克洛伊·谭女士说：“裁员会引发一系列类似于悲伤的情绪。”

马女士说，被裁员工失去的不仅仅是职位或薪水。他们往往面临着临床医生所说的“模糊性丧失”，这是一种缺乏官方仪式、社会认可或正式哀悼途径的悲伤形式。

她补充说，即使对于那些获得丰厚遣散费的人来说，这种悲伤的感觉也不会减轻。

“他们的悲痛常常被一些好心的朋友或同龄人轻视，这些人将丧亲之痛简化为简单的财务等式，认为赔偿金就能弥补损失。”

克洛伊·谭女士建议，在这种情况下，人们不要立即强迫自己“继续前进”，而是应该允许自己承认失去亲人的痛苦。

她还说，在工作之外重建社区归属感也很重要。试着重新联系朋友和家人，做志愿者，加入兴趣小组或爱好俱乐部，或者只是努力在日常生活中与人进行一些小小的互动。

重返工作岗位

Stephanie Tan女士表示，一旦你准备好重新进入就业市场，就没有必要为被裁员感到羞耻。

“裁员已经变得如此普遍，以至于大多数雇主不再将其视为对某人能力的反映，”她说。

“为了尽量减少影响，我的建议是坦诚相待：清楚地说明发生了什么，为什么会裁员，以及他们此后这段时间都在做什么。”

她补充说，通常情况下，如果求职者保持积极进取的态度，无论是提升技能还是积极拓展人脉，都会给未来的雇主留下良好的印象，因为这表明他们具有成长型思维。

专家表示，裁员也可以成为你重新评估工作在你生活中地位的时期。

“对我们许多新加坡人来说，工作不仅仅是收入来源，”马女士说。“当身份和职业紧密相连时，裁员会让人感觉像是遭遇了生存危机。”

对我们许多新加坡人来说，工作不仅仅是收入来源。当身份认同与职业紧密相连时，失业就如同人生的一次重大打击。

为了对抗这种思维模式，马女士表示，她鼓励客户探究这些信念的根源。然后，他们会进行一次“身份认同审计”，重新发现那些在获得公司认可之前就存在的自我：基本价值观、创造性的表达方式以及工作之外的人际关系。

“人们的本能冲动是，通过疯狂发送垃圾邮件或每天申请 50 个或更多职位来摆脱危机。

“这可以伪装成生产力提高。然而，从临床角度来看，我们知道，处于威胁状态的失调神经系统无法做出清晰的战略决策。”

马女士表示，首先关注自身健康很重要，进入就业市场时要“保持主动而不是恐慌”。

虽然康复过程听起来可能和找工作一样令人畏惧，但只要一步一步来就足够了。

克洛伊·谭女士表示，现阶段的目标不应该是等到感觉完全有信心后再采取下一步行动。

“自信往往会通过循序渐进的方式，通过新的体验和不断提醒自己仍然有能力来慢慢恢复。目标是在照顾好财务状况和情绪健康的同时，继续前进。”

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