‘Happy mother, happy baby’? Why telling mums-to-be not to stress can backfire

A mother’s mental health during pregnancy is linked to her child’s development. But simply telling a mum-to-be “don’t stress” and to “be positive and happy” can backfire. Experts share 10 ways to support her mental well-being – without adding to the mum guilt.

Good mental health in pregnancy is more about coping with stress and anxiety than being happy all the time. (Photo: iStock/AsiaVision)

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We have all heard the popular saying “Happy mother, happy baby”. Now there is fresh research linking a pregnant woman’s mental health to her child’s development.

A 2026 Singapore study published in the journal Psychological Medicine found that maternal mental health is linked to the child’s early cognitive development and risk of developing depressive symptoms later in childhood.

However, it is not just a matter of getting mothers to be happy.

“Motherhood comes with a wide range of emotions,” said Dr Chua Tze-Ern, psychiatrist and medical director at Serenity Clinic.

Pregnancy can be hard . “ It’s not easy coping with the nausea, appetite loss, weight gain, posture changes and consequent backache, hip pain and pubic bone pain caused by the pressure on the bone from the growing womb and baby,” said Dr Regina Zuzarte-Ng, obstetrician and gynaecologist at GynaeMD Women’s Clinic Clementi.

Beyond physical changes, “it is a life-changing event, knowing that there will be a child on the way who will be totally dependent on you”, Dr Zuzarte added.

“Many expectant mothers nowadays are employed full-time and some work very long hours. They have to juggle the physical changes while still completing their tasks satisfactorily at work,” she said.

Telling distressed mothers-to-be to “be positive and happy” for the sake of their babies may be counterproductive, said the experts CNA Women spoke to.

Instead, here are 10 tips that may work better and don’t involve any mum guilt.

1. DON’T FORCE YOURSELF TO BE HAPPY

Being mentally healthy includes making space for feelings such as sadness, anger and grief. (Photo: iStock/photocheaper)

“Nobody is happy all the time,” said Dr Chua. “A mentally healthy life still contains sadness, anger, anxiety, disappointment and grief.”

In parenthood, these feelings are not signs that “something has gone wrong”, she added. “They are part of loving somebody and adapting to continual change.”

Good mental health begins with emotional awareness, said Dr Chua. “Being able to recognise what you are feeling and being curious about why you might be feeling that way rather than immediately deciding that the emotion is good or bad.”

Poh Ping Qi, principal clinical psychologist at Alvernia Psychological Health Centre, Mount Alvernia Hospital, said: “Research shows that the ability to experience negative emotions without getting stuck in them is associated with lower parental stress and better mental health outcomes during major transition periods.”

So, instead of asking, “How do I stop feeling anxious?”, ask: “How can I make space for my anxiety while still doing what matters today,” Poh suggested.

2. PROTECT YOUR IDENTITY

Retaining parts of their identity can help new mothers cope with motherhood. (Photo: iStock/Lifehdfilm)

“Becoming a mother is an enormous identity change , particularly with a first baby. It is crucial to preserve something that belongs to you as a person, rather than as a mother,” said Dr Chua.

Poh added: “Ask yourself what parts of your identity matter to you, such as friendships, career, values or hobbies.” While your priorities may have shifted, these can help you retain parts of your identity, she explained.

3. MAKE TIME FOR SMALL PLEASURES

“People often imagine self-care as something elaborate, such as a spa day or an overseas holiday. For a mother with young children, for instance, that may rarely or never happen,” Dr Chua said.

Instead of waiting for these big moments, Dr Chua suggests engaging in small pleasures. “Drink a cup of coffee while it is still hot, sit outdoors for 10 minutes or read a book. Well-being is built from ordinary life, and ordinary life happens from moment to moment,” she said.

“When something pleasant happens, give it your undivided attention for a few seconds instead of immediately moving on,” Dr Chua added. Research suggests that consciously savouring positive experiences can intensify and prolong positive emotions.

A MOTHER’S MENTAL WELL-BEING DURING PREGNANCY MATTERS

A 2026 study involving 523 mother-child pairs led by A*STAR Institute for Human Development and Potential and Yong Loo Lin School of Medicine, National University of Singapore, in collaboration with KK Women’s and Children’s Hospital and National University Health System found that:

Positive maternal mental health such as emotional well-being and resilience is linked to stronger language development in early childhood, which in turn was associated with fewer depressive symptoms later in childhood.

Negative maternal mental health such as anxiety and depressive symptoms was linked to weaker executive function in children, such as difficulty focusing attention, controlling impulses and adapting to new situations. This in turn correlates with higher levels of depressive symptoms later in childhood.

Nonetheless, Dr Chua Tze-Ern, psychiatrist and medical director at Serenity Clinic, said mothers should not turn news of the study into “a source of maternal guilt”.

“These studies describe associations and probabilities across populations. They do not mean that an individual mother’s difficult pregnancy, episode of depression or period of severe stress has predetermined her child’s future,” she added.

4. EDIT YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA FEED

Don’t let social media get you down – follow accounts that leave you supported, not feeling inadequate. (Photo: iStock/Nastasic)

Avoid social media channels that make you feel anxious.

“Some motherhood posts create the illusion that everyone else is having the ‘perfect pregnancy’, decorating their nursery, or balancing work, fitness and everything else perfectly. Naturally, this leads to comparison even though we know these posts are curated,” said Poh.

“Follow accounts that educate, normalise real experiences, discuss real struggles, and leave you feeling supported, not inadequate,” she added.

5. DO NOT ENDLESSLY OPTIMISE

“There is an extraordinary amount of information about what mothers should be doing – the ideal food, parenting style, school and so on,” said Dr Chua.

While the advice may be quite reasonable on its own, it can become impossible to follow, taken as a whole. “Sometimes, improving a mother’s well-being involves giving her permission to take three things off her to-do list,” suggested Dr Chua.

6. BUILD THE VILLAGE YOU NEED

“One of the strongest predictors of maternal mental health is perceived social support,” said Poh. So set aside time for intentional conversations with your partner, discussing expectations, division of responsibilities, and how each of you prefers to receive support when stressed, she suggested.

For partners and family members trying to help, rather than vaguely saying, “Let me know if you need anything”, make the offer more specific, Poh added. Offer to cook dinner or accompany her for an appointment.

Validate her emotions instead of trying to immediately reassure her. Sometimes, statements that begin with “At least” or “Don’t worry” can come across as minimising, Poh explained.

7. DRAW BOUNDARIES WITH FAMILY

It’s important to set boundaries to protect the mother’s mental health. (Photo: iStock/staticnak1983)

Not all help is helpful. “If somebody’s involvement consistently leaves the mother-to-be feeling more anxious, exhausted or undermined, it is reasonable to change the arrangement even if the helper has excellent intentions,” said Dr Chua.

“It is usually easier for a husband to set a boundary with his own parents and a wife with hers than to leave one partner perpetually cast as the difficult daughter- or son-in-law,” she added.

8. MAKE HEALTHY LIFESTYLE CHANGES

Sometimes, “feeling lousy” may be linked to a physical cause.

“A 2019 study found that nearly three-quarters of Singapore women were iron-deficient in the early third trimester of pregnancy. This can lead to fatigue and shortness of breath, which women may mistake as normal pregnancy symptoms, making it harder to cope during pregnancy,” said Dr Zuzarte.

Ensure you consume adequate protein, as well as iron-rich foods like lean meat, beans and dark leafy greens, she advised.

Physical activity, exercise and mindfulness practice during pregnancy can also help reduce symptoms of depression or anxiety and promote well-being, Dr Zuzarte added.

Healthy lifestyle adjustments are especially important for medically complex pregnancies such as gestational diabetes, hypertension and pre-eclampsia, as well as for mothers who are 35 or older.

9. NAVIGATE THE STRESS OF A HIGH-RISK PREGNANCY

Having a high-risk pregnancy, such as having gestational diabetes or pre-eclampsia, can cause a mother to feel anxious and uncertain. (Photo: iStock/dragana991)

In the case of prior miscarriages, high-risk pregnancies or other medical complications such as genetic conditions, the expectant woman may “develop intense fear for the baby’s survival and anxiety about an uncertain future for both the child and family”, said Dr Zuzarte.

These emotions are perfectly understandable, so do not feel guilty about them, said Poh. “Instead, allow yourself to acknowledge both hope and fear at the same time. Focus on what is within your control today, rather than trying to predict the outcome.

“Stay connected and grounded with people that make you feel emotionally safe and continue to engage in activities that create positive emotions.”

10. TRYING TO STAY POSITIVE SHOULD NOT BE A SOURCE OF MUM GUILT

It is not helpful to tell distressed mums-to-be that “Everything happens for a reason”, “Don’t stress – baby can feel your stress” or “At least you can get pregnant”, and these can be triggering in some cases.

“It is a misconception that maternal mental health is entirely the mother’s responsibility. We tell women to sleep, exercise, meditate, practise gratitude and ask for help,” said Dr Chua. “Individual coping skills do matter, but you cannot self-care your way out of every structural problem.”

CNA Women is a section on CNA Lifestyle that seeks to inform, empower and inspire the modern woman. If you have women-related news, issues and ideas to share with us, email CNAWomen [at] mediacorp.com.sg .

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母亲在孕期的心理健康与孩子的发育息息相关。但简单地告诉准妈妈“别紧张”、“保持积极乐观”可能会适得其反。专家分享了10种支持孕妇心理健康的方法，这些方法不会增加准妈妈的内疚感。

孕期良好的心理健康更多地体现在应对压力和焦虑上，而不是时刻保持快乐。（图片：iStock/AsiaVision）

这段音频由人工智能工具生成。

我们都听过那句流行的说法“妈妈开心，宝宝就开心”。现在有新的研究表明，孕妇的心理健康与孩子的发育息息相关。

2026 年新加坡一项发表在《心理医学》杂志上的研究发现，母亲的心理健康与儿童早期的认知发展以及儿童后期出现抑郁症状的风险有关。

然而，这不仅仅是让母亲们感到快乐的问题。

“为人母会伴随各种各样的情绪，”宁静诊所的精神科医生兼医疗主任蔡子恩博士说。

怀孕可能很辛苦。“孕吐、食欲不振、体重增加、姿势改变以及由此引起的背痛、髋部疼痛和耻骨疼痛，这些都是由于不断增大的子宫和胎儿压迫骨骼造成的，这些症状都不容易应对，”金文泰妇产科诊所的妇产科医生 Regina Zuzarte-Ng 博士说。

除了身体上的变化，“知道即将有一个孩子完全依赖你，这是一件改变人生的事”，祖扎特医生补充道。

“如今很多准妈妈都有全职工作，有些工作时间很长。她们既要应对身体上的变化，又要努力在工作中出色地完成任务，”她说。

CNA Women采访的专家表示，告诉焦虑的准妈妈们为了宝宝要“保持积极乐观”，可能会适得其反。

相反，这里有 10 个可能更有效且不会让妈妈们产生任何内疚感的建议。

1. 不要强迫自己快乐

心理健康包括允许自己拥有悲伤、愤怒和痛苦等情绪。（图片：iStock/photocheaper）

蔡医生说：“没有人会一直快乐。心理健康的生活仍然包含悲伤、愤怒、焦虑、失望和痛苦。”

她补充说，为人父母后，这些感受并非“出了什么问题”的迹象，而是爱一个人以及适应持续变化的一部分。

蔡医生说，良好的心理健康始于情绪觉察。“能够识别自己的感受，并好奇自己为什么会有这种感受，而不是立即断定这种情绪是好是坏。”

阿尔维尼亚医院阿尔维尼亚心理健康中心首席临床心理学家齐宝平表示：“研究表明，能够体验负面情绪而不沉溺其中，与父母在重大过渡时期承受的较低压力和更好的心理健康结果相关。”

所以，与其问“我该如何停止感到焦虑？”，不如问：“我该如何为我的焦虑留出空间，同时还能做今天重要的事情？” Poh 建议道。

2. 保护您的身份信息

保留部分自我认同感有助于新手妈妈更好地适应母亲的角色。（图片：iStock/Lifehdfilm）

“成为母亲是一次巨大的身份转变，尤其是对于第一个孩子而言。至关重要的是，要保留一些属于你作为一个人，而不是作为母亲的特质，”蔡医生说。

Poh补充道：“问问自己，你认为自身身份的哪些部分对你来说最重要，例如友谊、事业、价值观或爱好。”她解释说，虽然你的优先事项可能已经改变，但这些可以帮助你保留自身身份的某些部分。

3. 留出时间享受小乐趣

蔡医生说：“人们通常把自我关爱想象成一件精心安排的事情，比如去水疗中心放松一天或者出国度假。但对于有年幼孩子的母亲来说，这种情况可能很少发生，甚至根本没有发生过。”

蔡医生建议，与其等待那些重大时刻，不如享受生活中的小确幸。“趁热喝杯咖啡，在户外坐十分钟，或者读本书。幸福感源于平凡的生活，而平凡的生活就发生在每一个瞬间。”她说。

蔡医生补充道：“当遇到令人愉悦的事情时，不要立刻转移注意力，而是全神贯注地享受几秒钟。” 研究表明，有意识地品味积极的体验可以增强并延长积极情绪。

母亲在孕期的心理健康至关重要

新加坡国立大学杨潞琳医学院和新加坡科技研究局人类发展与潜能研究所牵头，联合竹脚妇幼医院和新加坡国立大学医疗系统，于2026年开展的一项涉及523对母子的研究发现：

母亲积极的心理健康，如情绪健康和韧性，与幼儿时期更强的语言发展有关，而幼儿时期更强的语言发展又与儿童后期较少的抑郁症状有关。

母亲的负面心理健康状况，例如焦虑和抑郁症状，与儿童执行功能较弱有关，例如注意力难以集中、冲动控制困难和适应新环境的能力下降。而这反过来又与儿童后期抑郁症状的严重程度相关。

尽管如此，宁静诊所的精神科医生兼医疗主任蔡子恩博士表示，母亲们不应该将这项研究的消息变成“母亲内疚的来源”。

她补充说：“这些研究描述的是不同人群中的关联性和概率。但这并不意味着某个母亲的艰难孕期、抑郁症发作或严重压力时期就决定了她孩子的未来。”

4. 编辑你的社交媒体动态

别让社交媒体让你沮丧——关注那些能给你支持而不是让你感到自卑的账号。（图片：iStock/Nastasic）

避免使用会让你感到焦虑的社交媒体平台。

Poh表示：“有些妈妈们在社交媒体上发布的孕期照片会给人一种错觉，好像每个人都在经历‘完美孕期’，布置婴儿房，或者完美地平衡工作、健身和其他一切。这自然会导致攀比，即使我们知道这些照片都是精心挑选的。”

她补充说：“关注那些能够提供教育意义、使真实经历正常化、讨论真实困境，并让你感到被支持而不是感到不足的账号。”

5. 不要无休止地优化

蔡医生说：“关于母亲应该做什么，有很多信息——理想的食物、育儿方式、学校等等。”

这些建议单独来看或许合情合理，但如果全部采纳，就很难做到。“有时候，改善母亲的身心健康意味着允许她从待办事项清单中划掉三件事，”蔡医生建议道。

6. 建造你需要的村庄

“感知到的社会支持是影响产妇心理健康的最强预测因素之一，”Poh说道。因此，她建议，要抽出时间与伴侣进行深入的沟通，讨论彼此的期望、责任分工，以及在压力大的时候各自偏好的支持方式。

Poh补充说，对于想要提供帮助的伴侣和家人，与其含糊地说“有需要就告诉我”，不如提出更具体的建议，比如主动提出做晚饭或陪她去赴约。

与其立即安慰她，不如先认可她的情绪。Poh解释说，有时候，以“至少”或“别担心”开头的话语可能会显得轻描淡写，让人觉得是在敷衍她。

7. 与家人划清界限

设定界限对于保护母亲的心理健康至关重要。（图片：iStock/staticnak1983）

并非所有的帮助都有益。“如果有人介入后，准妈妈总是感到更加焦虑、疲惫或缺乏安全感，即使帮助者的初衷是好的，也应该考虑更换安排。”蔡医生说。

她补充说：“丈夫与自己的父母划清界限，妻子与自己的父母划清界限，通常比让一方永远扮演难搞的儿媳或女婿的角色要容易得多。”

8. 改变生活方式，追求健康

有时，“感觉不舒服”可能与生理原因有关。

“2019年的一项研究发现，近四分之三的新加坡女性在孕晚期早期出现缺铁症状。这会导致疲劳和呼吸急促，女性可能会误以为这是正常的妊娠反应，从而更难应对孕期，”祖扎特医生说。

她建议，要确保摄入足够的蛋白质，以及富含铁的食物，如瘦肉、豆类和深色绿叶蔬菜。

祖扎特博士补充说，孕期进行体育活动、锻炼和正念练习也有助于减轻抑郁或焦虑症状，促进身心健康。

对于患有妊娠期糖尿病、高血压和先兆子痫等复杂疾病的孕妇，以及 35 岁或以上的孕妇来说，健康的生活方式调整尤为重要。

9.应对高危妊娠带来的压力

高危妊娠，例如患有妊娠期糖尿病或先兆子痫，会让孕妇感到焦虑和不安。（图片：iStock/dragana991）

祖扎特医生说，如果孕妇之前有过流产史、高危妊娠或其他医疗并发症（例如遗传疾病），她可能会“对婴儿的生存产生强烈的恐惧，并对孩子和家庭不确定的未来感到焦虑”。

Poh说：“这些情绪完全可以理解，所以不要为此感到内疚。相反，要允许自己同时承认希望和恐惧。专注于今天你能掌控的事情，而不是试图预测结果。”

“与那些让你感到情感安全的人保持联系和稳定，并继续参与能带来积极情绪的活动。”

10. 努力保持积极心态不应该成为妈妈内疚的来源

对焦虑的准妈妈说“一切的发生都有原因”、“别紧张——宝宝能感受到你的压力”或“至少你还能怀孕”并没有什么帮助，而且在某些情况下，这些话反而会引发她们的焦虑。

蔡医生说：“认为孕产妇心理健康完全是母亲的责任是一种误解。我们告诉女性要多睡觉、多运动、多冥想、多感恩，并在需要时寻求帮助。个人的应对技巧固然重要，但你不可能通过自我关怀来解决所有结构性问题。”

CNA Women是CNA Lifestyle旗下的一个版块，旨在为现代女性提供信息、赋能和灵感。如果您有与女性相关的新闻、议题或想法想要与我们分享，请发送电子邮件至CNAWomen[at]mediacorp.com.sg。

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