My husband and I can’t agree on school or tuition for our child. What should I do?

An IPS study in 2026 found that the proportion of parents who reported arguing with their spouses over their children’s education rose to 60% from 43% in 2016.

PHOTO: LIANHE ZAOBAO

Published Oct 17, 2026, 12:00 PM

Updated Oct 17, 2026, 12:00 PM

Parents often argue over school choice and tuition because they hold different views on success, pressure and cost. An IPS study in 2026 found these fights rose to 60% from 43% in 2016.

Counsellors say couples should talk about the fears behind their views, use “I” statements, and listen first. They should find shared priorities, but accept some differences.

Parents must protect their marriage, not just focus on childcare. They should keep talking, adjust as children grow, and show children that respectful disagreement can be healthy.

SINGAPORE – An argument between husband and wife about their children’s tuition or school choice may reflect deeper differences between them in parenting beliefs, family counsellors say.

An Institute of Policy Studies (IPS) study in 2026 found that the proportion of parents who reported arguing with their spouses over their children’s education rose to 60% from 43% in 2016.

One parent may emphasise academic achievement, while the other favours a more holistic approach, says Sharon Koh, deputy director and principal therapist of non-profit organisation Counselling and Care Centre.

Or one spouse may prefer a more reputable enrichment programme that costs more, while the other would like an affordable option closer to home.

Disagreements can extend to how much screen time they allow their children, and who does what in their daily parenting duties.

How spouses respond to each other when they disagree can deepen the conflict, Koh said.

She has seen cases where one partner corrects the other, who then resists or complies unhappily.

Tensions between a parent and a child also spill over to the marriage when the other parent intervenes in a way their partner finds unhelpful.

How can parents manage disagreements between them?

Talk about the fears behind your beliefs

A parent pushing for tuition may worry about their children struggling later in life, while their spouse could fear the children are under too much pressure, says Theresa Pong, founder and counselling director of The Relationship Room.

She recommends parents use “I” statements – such as “I’m worried our child will struggle without extra help” – to explain their concerns. They should also listen to the other person’s worries before defending their own views.

Koh encourages partners to understand how their actions affect each other.

Often, both parents want the best for their children but disagree on how to get there, says Pong.

Find shared priorities, but allow room for differences

Pong advises couples to discuss what they both want for their children, what matters most and what they can let go of.

Koh stresses that working together as parents does not require a couple to have identical parenting approaches. Couples can discuss why each holds particular beliefs, where they can be flexible and how to support each other.

Remember you are husband and wife, not just parents

Koh says couples can become absorbed in childcare and household tasks, leaving little time for their relationship. She recommends couples to regularly ask each other how they are coping and what support they need. Even small opportunities to connect and keep talking matter, she says.

Adapt parenting as your child grows

Koh says methods used with younger children may become less helpful as the children develop their own views. When their children become teens, parents should give them more space to manage their studies and build independence. Couples can discuss how to adjust their involvement in their children’s lives, as attempts to impose greater control can prompt resistance or withdrawal.

It’s okay to hold different views about parenting

Parents can support each other without agreeing on everything, says Koh.

Couples should try to understand each other’s values, anxieties and hopes for their children, and to be flexible, rather than insist on one “right” approach.

Children can learn to navigate differences on their own from seeing their parents disagree respectfully with each other.

“Differences don’t have to be divisive. They can actually be a resource for the couple,” says Koh.

IPS/Institute of Policy Studies

Counsellors/Psychologists

IPS 在 2026 年进行的一项研究发现，报告称因子女教育问题与配偶发生争吵的父母比例从 2016 年的 43% 上升到 60%。

图片来源：联合早报

发布于2026年10月17日下午12:00

更新于2026年10月17日中午12:00

家长们经常就择校和学费问题争论不休，因为他们对成功、压力和成本的看法各不相同。IPS在2026年的一项研究发现，这类争吵的比例从2016年的43%上升到了60%。

咨询师建议，伴侣应该谈谈彼此观点背后的担忧，多用“我”开头陈述，并且首先倾听对方。他们应该找到共同的优先事项，但也要接受彼此的差异。

父母不仅要关注育儿，更要守护婚姻。他们应该保持沟通，随着孩子成长做出调整，并让孩子明白，相互尊重的分歧也是健康的。

新加坡——家庭咨询师表示，夫妻之间就子女学费或择校问题发生的争吵，可能反映出他们在育儿理念上的深层差异。

政策研究所 (IPS) 在 2026 年进行的一项研究发现，与配偶就子女教育问题发生争吵的父母比例从 2016 年的 43% 上升到 60%。

非营利组织“咨询与关怀中心”副主任兼首席治疗师 Sharon Koh 表示，一位家长可能更注重学业成就，而另一位家长则更倾向于全面发展。

或者，夫妻一方可能更喜欢声誉更好、价格更高的进修项目，而另一方则希望选择离家更近、价格更实惠的方案。

分歧可能延伸到他们允许孩子使用电子产品的时间长短，以及在日常育儿职责中谁负责什么。

Koh表示，夫妻之间意见不一致时的回应方式可能会加深冲突。

她见过这样的情况：一方纠正另一方，另一方则会反抗或不情愿地服从。

当父母一方以另一方认为无益的方式干预时，父母与子女之间的紧张关系也会蔓延到婚姻中。

父母之间如何处理分歧？

谈谈你信念背后的恐惧

“一位家长如果要求孩子上补习班，可能会担心孩子将来生活困难；而他们的配偶则可能担心孩子承受了太大的压力，”关系咨询中心“The Relationship Room”的创始人兼咨询主任Theresa Pong说道。

她建议家长使用“我”开头的陈述句——例如“我担心如果没有额外的帮助，我们的孩子会遇到困难”——来表达他们的担忧。他们也应该在捍卫自己的观点之前，先倾听对方的担忧。

Koh鼓励合作伙伴了解他们的行为如何相互影响。

Pong表示，通常情况下，父母双方都希望孩子得到最好的，但在如何实现这一目标上却存在分歧。

找到共同的优先事项，但也要留有分歧的空间。

Pong建议夫妻双方讨论他们对孩子的期望，什么最重要，以及他们可以放弃什么。

Koh强调，夫妻共同为人父母并不意味着他们必须持有完全相同的育儿方式。夫妻可以讨论各自持有特定信念的原因，探讨哪些方面可以灵活变通，以及如何互相支持。

记住，你们是夫妻，而不仅仅是父母。

Koh表示，夫妻往往会忙于照顾孩子和处理家务，很少有时间维系彼此的关系。她建议夫妻定期询问对方的近况和需要哪些支持。她说，即使是微小的交流和沟通机会也至关重要。

随着孩子成长，调整育儿方式

Koh表示，对年幼的孩子使用的教育方法，随着孩子逐渐形成自己的观点，可能就不那么有效了。当孩子进入青春期后，父母应该给他们更多空间来管理自己的学业，培养独立性。夫妻可以讨论如何调整自己对孩子生活的参与程度，因为试图加强控制可能会引起孩子的抵触或疏离。

对育儿持有不同观点是可以的。

Koh表示，父母即使不能在所有事情上都达成一致，也可以互相支持。

夫妻应该努力理解彼此的价值观、焦虑以及对孩子的期望，并且要灵活变通，而不是坚持采用某种“正确”的方法。

孩子们可以通过观察父母彼此尊重地表达不同意见，学会自己处理分歧。

Koh表示：“差异不一定要造成分裂，它们实际上可以成为夫妻双方的资源。”

IPS/政策研究所

咨询师/心理学家