Commentary: Do parents project PSLE stress to their kids?

Parents unwittingly place pressure on their children when they take leave or sabbaticals for PSLE preparation, says father-of-three Malminderjit Singh.

On the one hand, parents recognise the usefulness and relevance of PSLE, but on the other hand, they are getting more stressed by it. (Photo: TODAY)

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SINGAPORE: When children hit the age of 12, some Singaporean parents are ready to take on the Primary School Leaving Examination (PSLE) even decades after they left their primary schools.

We can tell when the parents among us have children sitting for PSLE. Their annual leave is all saved and reserved for September. Some even take sabbaticals from work or say no to new projects and roles.

On the surface, these sacrifices appear commendable. But at what cost?

Parents unwittingly lay more stress on their children when they make such monumental sacrifices for their PSLE journey. “I have taken a year off from work for you, you better do well for your PSLE!” “We didn’t go for any family holiday this year, you better appreciate it by doing well!”

CNA Games Guess Word Crack the word, one row at a time Buzzword Create words using the given letters Mini Sudoku Tiny puzzle, mighty brain teaser Mini Crossword Small grid, big challenge Word Search Spot as many words as you can Show More Show Less Suddenly a 12-year-old is now not merely sitting for an examination. He is apparently responsible for Mummy’s career progression or Daddy’s leisure and wellness. We frequently talk about the stress children experience from PSLE. According to a recently published study by the Institute of Policy Studies (IPS) , around two-thirds of parents surveyed agreed that the education system caused unnecessary stress to their children. But whose stress is this, anyway?

Suddenly a 12-year-old is now not merely sitting for an examination. He is apparently responsible for Mummy’s career progression or Daddy’s leisure and wellness.

We frequently talk about the stress children experience from PSLE. According to a recently published study by the Institute of Policy Studies (IPS) , around two-thirds of parents surveyed agreed that the education system caused unnecessary stress to their children. But whose stress is this, anyway?

In the IPS study, the proportion of parents who felt stressed about their children’s education increased from 73.1 per cent in 2016 to 87.9 per cent in 2026. And those who argued with their spouse over their children's education jumped from 42.8 per cent to 59.7 per cent over the same period.

Guess who has to bear the brunt of this pressure, on top of sitting for a milestone examination?

In a CNA exercise involving 20 Primary 5 and 6 pupils , parents emerged as their biggest source of stress. Some children described worrying about disappointing parents because of the money spent on tuition, being compared with friends, or internalising parental messages connecting good schools with future success.

One 11-year-old explained that a good secondary school would help him further in life. Asked where that idea came from, he answered simply: “My parents.”

Children learn not merely from what we tell them but what we react to. We may tell our kids, “Your marks don't define you.” Then ask after they walk through the door, “How well are you going to do on that paper?”

We insist, “Don't compare yourself with other people.” Then WhatsApp another parent: “How much did Sarah get?”

Children are extraordinarily good at detecting the difference between our values and actions.

So, is the problem really with the PSLE examination? The IPS study found that most parents support PSLE, with 85.9 per cent of respondents indicating that it is a useful checkpoint for children. A similar percentage of parents felt that the PSLE is necessary to assess students fairly.

On the one hand, parents recognise the usefulness and relevance of PSLE, but on the other hand, they are getting more stressed by it. What exactly are parents anxious about?

The IPS study found that parents are less stressed about homework and preparing children for examinations. Instead, they increasingly worry that their child is not achieving the grades he or she is capable of, is falling behind or might lose out in the education system in the longer run.

That last phrase is revealing. A 12-year-old experiences PSLE as something happening this year. A parent sees it as a consequential event in a 15-year chain.

PSLE results determine which secondary school their kids go to, which influences which junior college or polytechnic they are admitted to and whether it can lead to a good degree and a respectable career.

Our children see an exam paper while we, as parents, see their entire lives flashing before our eyes. And then we wonder why everybody is anxious.

A HOLISTIC ARMS RACE

The IPS study tells us that there is light at the end of the PSLE tunnel. Parents increasingly value their children’s holistic development. They see character, self-discipline and other developmental outcomes as important goals of primary education.

But will the stress from an educational arms race just dissipate or will it diversify? The data offers a warning.

Average monthly tuition expenditure has risen from an inflation-adjusted S$386 in 2016 to S$677 in 2026. Average enrichment expenditure has more than doubled from an inflation-adjusted S$152 to S$355.

Nearly nine in 10 parents believe children spend too much time on tuition and enrichment. Yet 70.2 per cent say they would spend even more on tuition and enrichment if they had the resources.

That contradiction is striking. Collectively we think children are doing too much. Individually we worry that ours might not be doing enough.

The risk is that we simply expand the parental scorecard. Not too long ago, success meant, “What did you get for Maths?” Going forward, it could be “What did you get for Maths, what instrument do you play, are you in student leadership, do you volunteer and have you started coding?”

A PSLE PRISONERS’ DILEMMA

We should be careful not to turn every childhood interest into a credential. Sometimes a child should be allowed to play badminton because he likes badminton and not because his parent has identified a strategic Direct School Admission (DSA) pathway.

It is a tricky dilemma, though. If everyone else is running and I tell my child to walk, am I being enlightened or irresponsible?

Parents might prefer a less competitive environment, but nobody wants their own child to be the first to test it. This is why simply telling parents to “relax” will not work.

Singapore has created more pathways for children of all abilities to succeed. But parents still worry that missing a school, programme or opportunity puts their child at a lasting disadvantage. Perhaps the challenge is not just about creating credible pathways, but convincing parents to let their children take them.

Malminderjit Singh is Founder and Managing Director of Terra Corporate Affairs and a parent of three children.

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三个孩子的父亲马尔明德吉特·辛格表示，父母为了准备小学离校考试（PSLE）而请假或休学，会在不知不觉中给孩子施加压力。

一方面，家长们认识到小学离校考试（PSLE）的实用性和重要性，但另一方面，他们也因此承受着越来越大的压力。（图片来源：TODAY）

这段音频由人工智能工具生成。

新加坡：当孩子年满 12 岁时，一些新加坡父母准备让孩子参加小学离校考试 (PSLE)，即使他们自己离开小学已经几十年了。

我们很容易就能看出哪些家长的孩子要参加小学离校考试（PSLE）。他们的年假都攒起来留到九月份用。有些人甚至会请长假，或者拒绝新的项目和职位。

表面上看，这些牺牲似乎值得称赞。但代价是什么呢？

父母为了孩子备战小六会考（PSLE）做出了巨大的牺牲，却在不知不觉中给孩子带来了更大的压力。“我为了你休了一年假，你一定要好好考！”“我们今年都没能一起出去玩，你一定要好好学习，好好珍惜！”

CNA游戏 猜词游戏 逐行破解单词 流行词游戏 用给定的字母组成单词 迷你数独 小谜题，大挑战 迷你填字游戏 小方格，大挑战 单词搜索 尽可能多地找出单词 显示更多 显示更少 突然间，一个12岁的孩子不再只是参加考试。他显然要对妈妈的职业发展或爸爸的休闲和健康负责。我们经常谈论孩子们在小学离校考试（PSLE）中承受的压力。根据政策研究所（IPS）最近发布的一项研究，约三分之二的受访家长认为教育系统给他们的孩子带来了不必要的压力。但无论如何，这究竟是谁的压力呢？

突然间，一个12岁的孩子不再只是参加考试，他显然还要对妈妈的职业发展或爸爸的休闲和健康负责。

我们经常谈到孩子们在小学离校考试（PSLE）中承受的压力。根据政策研究所（IPS）最近发布的一项研究，约三分之二的受访家长认为教育体系给他们的孩子造成了不必要的压力。但这种压力究竟是谁的呢？

IPS 的一项研究显示，对子女教育感到压力的父母比例从 2016 年的 73.1% 增加到 2026 年的 87.9%。同期，因子女教育问题与配偶发生争吵的父母比例也从 42.8% 跃升至 59.7%。

猜猜看谁要承受这种压力，还要参加一场重要的考试？

在一项针对20名小学五、六年级学生的认知能力评估（CNA）活动中，家长被认为是他们最大的压力来源。一些孩子表示，他们担心因为课外辅导费而让父母失望，担心被拿来和朋友比较，或者内化了父母关于好学校与未来成功之间联系的观念。

一位11岁的男孩解释说，上一所好的中学对他未来的人生很有帮助。当被问及这个想法从何而来时，他简单地回答说：“我的父母。”

孩子不仅从我们告诉他们的事情中学习，也从我们的反应中学习。我们可能会告诉孩子：“你的分数并不能定义你。”然后等他们进门后又问：“你觉得这次考试能考得怎么样？”

我们坚持说：“不要和别人比较。”然后又在WhatsApp上问另一位家长：“莎拉得了多少？”

孩子们非常擅长分辨我们的价值观和行为之间的差异。

那么，问题真的出在小六会考（PSLE）上吗？IPS的研究发现，大多数家长支持小六会考，85.9%的受访者表示，小六会考是评估孩子学习成果的一个有用节点。同样比例的家长认为，小六会考对于公平地评估学生是必要的。

一方面，家长们认识到小学离校考试（PSLE）的必要性和重要性，但另一方面，他们也因此感到越来越焦虑。家长们究竟在焦虑什么呢？

IPS的研究发现，家长们对家庭作业和备考的压力有所减轻。相反，他们越来越担心孩子没有取得应有的成绩，学习进度落后，或者从长远来看可能会在教育体系中处于劣势。

最后那句话意味深长。对一个12岁的孩子来说，小六会考只是今年发生的一件事。而对家长来说，它却是15年人生历程中的一个重要转折点。

小六会考成绩决定了他们的孩子能上哪所中学，这又会影响他们能进入哪所初级学院或理工学院，以及能否获得良好的学位和体面的职业。

孩子们眼前只有一张试卷，而我们做父母的却仿佛看到他们的一生在眼前闪过。然后我们又纳闷，为什么每个人都这么焦虑。

一场全面的军备竞赛

IPS的研究表明，小六会考的曙光就在前方。家长们越来越重视孩子的全面发展。他们将品格、自律和其他发展成果视为小学教育的重要目标。

但是，教育领域的军备竞赛带来的压力会就此消散，还是会以其他形式出现？数据发出了警示。

经通胀调整后，平均每月学费支出已从 2016 年的 386 新元增至 2026 年的 677 新元。平均课外活动支出也翻了一番多，从经通胀调整后的 152 新元增至 355 新元。

近九成家长认为孩子在课外辅导和课外活动上花费了太多时间。然而，70.2%的家长表示，如果他们有足够的经济能力，他们会在课外辅导和课外活动上投入更多资金。

这种矛盾令人震惊。从整体上看，我们认为孩子们做得太多了。而从个人角度来看，我们又担心自己的孩子做得不够。

风险在于我们只会扩大家长对孩子的评价标准。不久前，成功仅仅意味着“你的数学考了多少分？”而未来，评价标准可能变成“你的数学考了多少分？你会演奏什么乐器？你担任学生领导职务吗？你参加过志愿者活动吗？你开始学习编程了吗？”

小六会考囚犯的困境

我们应该注意，不要把孩子的每一项兴趣都变成一种资历。有时候，应该允许孩子打羽毛球，仅仅因为他喜欢这项运动，而不是因为他的父母已经为他规划了一条直接入学（DSA）的途径。

但这确实是个棘手的难题。如果其他人都跑，而我却让我的孩子走，我的做法是开明还是不负责任呢？

父母或许更倾向于竞争性较低的环境，但谁也不希望自己的孩子第一个去尝试这种环境。因此，简单地告诉父母“放松”是行不通的。

新加坡为不同能力的孩子创造了更多成功途径。但家长们仍然担心，错过学校、课程或机会会让孩子长期处于劣势。或许，真正的挑战不仅在于如何建立可靠的途径，更在于如何说服家长让孩子去尝试。

Malminderjit Singh 是 Terra Corporate Affairs 的创始人兼董事总经理，也是三个孩子的父亲。

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