How to stop a pastime from becoming an unhealthy obsession

Mental Health Matters

A new hobby can be satisfying and fulfilling especially when one gets good at it. But when does spending too much time on an activity border on obsessive?

Sports psychologists said that most hobbies, when taken seriously, can be beneficial, but as with most things, may also be detrimental if taken too far. (Photo: iStock)

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Last year, while training for an overseas marathon, I developed an ankle injury that forced me to pull out of the race.

I was deeply disappointed, not l east by having to scrap a holiday to Japan with a hefty flight cancellation fee to boot.

What upset me more was all the wasted time and effort I had invested in preparing for the race, including sacrificing time with friends and family to wake up early for training sessions.

Lately, however, injuries have not been the only source of frustration in my running journey. As I get older, I have found myself increasingly discouraged by the lack of improvement in my race timings.

Unlike in my university days, when I first took up cross-country running, these improvements no longer come as easily, no matter how hard I train.

When I wake up for runs, I now find myself wondering: Why is a hobby that is supposed to relieve stress and keep me healthy having the opposite effect?

And when did the pursuit of a passion stop being enjoyable and instead start to take a toll on my mental health?

Experts I spoke to said that most hobbies, when taken seriously, can be beneficial, but like most things may also be detrimental if taken too far.

"A dopamine rush comes because of accomplishment," said Mr Edgar Tham, sports and performance psychologist at SportPsych Consulting.

"You have a positive reinforcement, and therefore it makes you motivated to do it again because it gives you a positive result mentally and emotionally."

But the danger comes when the "rush" is taken away through bad results, or when an individual is sidelined due to factors such as injury or an inability to complete a more complicated skillset, such as playing a favourite but more complicated song on the guitar.

"When you take it away from them, they have no other sources of dopamine rushes, so to speak ... you can see where that potential addiction can come from in the long run," he added.

"It's something people don’t speak up enough about ... people don’t want to admit that there's an addiction to a hobby."

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Artistic hobbies such as painting can provide a source of emotional expression. (AP Illustration/Peter Hamlin)

SERIOUS HOBBIES ARE BENEFICIAL BUT WHEN DO THEY CROSS THE LINE?

Taking up a hobby and being serious about it is in itself not a bad thing, said experts.

Founder of mental health service Therapy-Help Juliana Pang said that hobbies and interests help children with their cognitive, social, emotional and physical development, and this extends to adulthood.

"With a hobby, usually there's some structured practice, some knowledge to learn mastery and skills," she said.

This not only provides personal satisfaction and fulfilment but also helps individuals connect with people with similar interests and be part of a community.

Artistic hobbies like painting allow for emotional expression, while physical interests like sports can improve fitness and lower health risks, she added.

"Overall, there is a benefit to having not just a passing interest in hobbies, but a commitment or a passion for it," she said.

Negative feelings towards a hobby, however, can emerge when there are setbacks or perceived failures.

"If our disappointment is hooked to our sense of achievement, performance, and self-identity, then we might have feelings of anxiety, maybe shame, for not being able to perform well vis-à-vis our peers,” said Ms Pang.

If our disappointment is hooked to our sense of achievement, performance, and self-identity, then we might have feelings of anxiety, maybe shame, for not being able to perform well vis-à-vis our peers.

Disappointments can also come when hobbyists take on a "perfectionist" mindset as they achieve more in their interests.

"You are in this space where you have no idea of what failure means or is, and so the expectation is now broken or not accomplished when things go wrong," said Mr Tham.

But even if our hobbies are going well, could we unknowingly be going overboard?

Mr Tham said one sign that an obsession with a hobby is out of hand is when it begins to affect day-to-day function.

"It affects the mood, your daily habits and lifestyle, your work, your school, almost anything, because it's now weighing you down," he said.

In my case, whenever I am deep into a training cycle, I tend to take a "run at all costs" approach, which means going so far as to skip quality time with loved ones to fit in a run.

Ms Pang said that the compulsion to continue an activity despite its negative effects is a red flag to watch out for.

"When it becomes a compulsion, meaning that there's already negative impact, and you're still insisting on doing that rather than trying to balance out your time and attention, that's indicative of some problem," she said.

Indeed, if I end up missing the run for one reason or another, I tend to get moody, and sometimes those closest to me can sense it.

People who become overly obsessed with their hobbies often exhibit signs and symptoms similar to those facing stress at work, said Dr Jay-Lee Nair of Dr Jay-Lee Psychology Practice.

She said that among her clients are athletes who entered their sport with no expectations, before realising they had an aptitude for it, thus becoming more serious by entering competitions and even hiring a coach.

"They come to me because they feel really anxious about the experience, they suddenly have expectations that they never had before, and they feel a lot of pressure to suddenly make it a performance exercise and very results-oriented," said the sports and performance psychologist.

DOES SOCIAL MEDIA EXACERBATE THE PROBLEM?

A common joke among runners is that a marathon doesn’t count if you don’t post about it online.

While the line is meant as a joke, many runners, myself included, do indeed have a tendency to share our achievements and shiny new personal bests online.

And it's not isolated to sporting achievements: there are many who have also created accounts to share their various interests, be it baking, pottery, or even support for a football club – with some gaining a substantial following.

But while sharing one’s progress in their hobby can feel good and possibly inspire others, there are downsides as well.

Dr Jay-Lee said that those who constantly post about their progress on social media could end up in a cycle of being dependent on external validation in the form of likes or encouraging comments.

"That can lead to a lot lower satisfaction over time, simply because they're not really doing it for the intrinsic value, and they need the validation from the outside world to confirm that this is something they're doing well," she said.

Agreeing, Ms Pang said that some individuals also feel the pressure to continually post about their progress on social media.

"When there's a loss of perfection, the feedback, comments and the rapid loss of popularity can be quite devastating on some individuals if they had built their self-identity and their self-worth based on that initial popularity and validation," she said.

A hobby such as chess can be a healthy social outlet, but allowing such an activity to take over your life is a red flag, say experts. (Photo: iStock)

HOW TO FIND THE RIGHT BALANCE

The first step in managing an obsession with one’s hobby is to recognise that there is an issue.

"Are you painting because you love painting, or because you know you want to sell the painting for a million dollars? Are you interested in running because running brings you joy, or are you trying to strive to get that popularity?" said Ms Pang.

"Understanding the purpose for which you do the activity is helpful."

She added that looking to friends and family for feedback is crucial as well.

"Have a good inner circle that gives you good constructive feedback ... these people might share with you (that) there may be something that's not quite right with the way you are pursuing a certain activity," she said.

Feelings of disappointment related to hobbies are not unhealthy but how one deals with those feelings is key, added Ms Pang.

"We can use a setback to look at other strategies to get better at our hobbies, look at it with what is typically known as a growth mindset."

A growth mindset is the belief that one’s skills can continually improve through learning lessons from failures and working on weaknesses.

Understanding the purpose for which you do the activity is helpful.

Another strategy is having a close friend or family member with whom to share disappointments, preferably someone who has experienced similar setbacks.

"These setbacks are then normalised and it is okay and you can recover from it, and I can try to learn from different experiences from different people," she said.

While not as damaging to someone’s health and relationships as vices like gambling and alcohol, addiction to one’s hobbies can also warrant professional intervention if it disrupts daily functioning.

Dr Jay-Lee said that 10 years ago, 2 per cent of those who sought help from her clinic were amateur athletes trying to better manage their sport. More recently, this has grown to 10 per cent.

Ms Pang said that it is often not obvious to seek professional help for matters regarding our hobbies, as hobbies are seen as intrinsically good.

"The hobby itself is not the problem. It's the obsession," she said.

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心理健康很重要

培养一项新的爱好可以带来满足感和成就感，尤其是在精通这项爱好之后。但是，在某项活动上花费太多时间，何时会演变成痴迷呢？

运动心理学家表示，大多数爱好如果认真对待，都能带来益处；但和大多数事情一样，如果过度沉迷，也可能适得其反。（图片：iStock）

这段音频由人工智能工具生成。

去年，我在备战海外马拉松比赛时，脚踝受伤，被迫退出比赛。

我感到非常失望，尤其是不得不取消去日本的假期，还要支付一大笔航班取消费。

更让我沮丧的是，我为备战比赛投入的所有时间和精力都白费了，包括牺牲与朋友和家人相处的时间，早起进行训练。

然而，最近伤病并非我跑步生涯中唯一的挫折来源。随着年龄增长，我发现自己比赛成绩迟迟没有进步，这让我越来越感到沮丧。

与我大学时期刚开始参加越野跑时不同，无论我多么努力训练，这些进步都不再那么容易实现了。

现在，当我醒来准备跑步时，我常常会想：为什么这项本应缓解压力、保持健康的爱好却产生了相反的效果呢？

什么时候，追求爱好不再让我感到快乐，反而开始损害我的心理健康了？

我采访过的专家表示，大多数爱好，如果认真对待，都会有益处，但像大多数事情一样，如果做得太过火，也可能有害。

“成就感会带来多巴胺激增，” SportPsych Consulting 的运动和表现心理学家 Edgar Tham 先生说。

“你得到了积极的强化，因此你会更有动力再次去做，因为它在心理和情感上都给你带来了积极的结果。”

但危险在于，当糟糕的结果夺走了“激情”，或者当一个人因为受伤或无法掌握更复杂的技能（例如在吉他上演奏自己喜欢但更复杂的歌曲）等因素而被迫退出时。

“当你剥夺了他们获得多巴胺刺激的途径，可以说，他们就没有其他途径获得多巴胺刺激了……从长远来看，你就能明白这种潜在的成瘾性是如何产生的，”他补充道。

“这是人们很少公开谈论的事情……人们不愿承认自己对某种爱好上瘾。”

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绘画等艺术爱好可以提供情感表达的途径。（美联社插图/彼得·哈姆林）

严肃的爱好是有益的，但它们何时会越界呢？

专家表示，培养一项爱好并认真对待它本身并不是一件坏事。

心理健康服务机构 Therapy-Help 的创始人 Juliana Pang 表示，爱好和兴趣有助于儿童的认知、社交、情感和身体发展，这种作用会延续到成年时期。

“爱好通常需要一些结构化的练习，一些知识来学习和掌握技能，”她说。

这不仅能带来个人满足感和成就感，还能帮助个人与有相似兴趣的人建立联系，并成为社区的一份子。

她补充说，绘画等艺术爱好可以表达情感，而运动等体育爱好可以增强体质，降低健康风险。

“总的来说，对爱好不仅仅是泛泛的兴趣，而是投入其中，甚至充满热情，是有益的，”她说。

然而，当遇到挫折或感觉失败时，就可能对爱好产生负面情绪。

庞女士说：“如果我们的失望与我们的成就感、表现感和自我认同感联系在一起，那么我们可能会因为无法在同龄人面前表现出色而感到焦虑，甚至羞愧。”

如果我们的失望与我们的成就感、表现感和自我认同感联系在一起，那么我们可能会因为无法在同龄人面前表现出色而感到焦虑，甚至羞愧。

当业余爱好者在自己的兴趣领域取得更多成就时，如果抱持“完美主义”的心态，也可能会带来失望。

“你身处一个完全不知道失败是什么概念的境地，所以当事情出错时，期望就会落空或没有实现，”谭先生说。

即使我们的爱好发展顺利，我们是否有可能在不知不觉中过度沉迷其中？

谭先生说，痴迷于某种爱好失控的一个迹象是，当它开始影响日常生活时。

他说：“它会影响你的情绪、日常习惯和生活方式、工作、学习，几乎会影响到方方面面，因为它现在给你带来了沉重的负担。”

就我而言，每当我进入训练周期的后期阶段时，我往往会采取“不惜一切代价跑步”的态度，这意味着我会放弃与亲人共度的美好时光去挤出时间跑步。

庞女士表示，明知某项活动会产生负面影响却仍然执意继续，这是一个需要警惕的危险信号。

“当它变成一种强迫行为，意味着已经产生了负面影响，而你仍然坚持这样做，而不是努力平衡你的时间和注意力时，这表明存在一些问题，”她说。

的确，如果我因为某种原因错过了跑步，我往往会变得情绪低落，有时我身边最亲近的人都能感觉到。

杰伊-李心理诊所的杰伊-李·奈尔博士表示，过度沉迷于爱好的人常常表现出与工作压力大的人类似的迹象和症状。

她说，她的客户中有一些运动员最初进入这项运动时没有任何期望，后来才意识到自己有这方面的天赋，于是开始认真对待，参加比赛，甚至聘请教练。

“他们来找我是因为他们对这次经历感到非常焦虑，他们突然有了以前从未有过的期望，他们感到很大的压力，希望突然把它变成一次表演练习，并且非常注重结果，”这位运动和表现心理学家说道。

社交媒体是否加剧了这个问题？

跑步爱好者中流传着一个笑话：如果你不在网上发布马拉松比赛的相关内容，那这场马拉松就不算数。

虽然这句话只是个玩笑，但包括我在内的许多跑步者确实有在网上分享我们的成就和崭新的个人最佳成绩的倾向。

而且这不仅限于体育成就：许多人还创建了账户来分享他们的各种兴趣，无论是烘焙、陶艺，甚至是支持某个足球俱乐部——其中一些人还获得了大量的粉丝。

虽然分享自己在爱好方面的进展会让人感觉良好，也可能激励他人，但也存在一些弊端。

Jay-Lee 博士表示，那些不断在社交媒体上发布自己进展的人最终可能会陷入依赖点赞或鼓励性评论等外部认可的恶性循环。

“随着时间的推移，这会导致满意度大大降低，因为他们并非真正出于内在价值而做事，他们需要外界的认可来确认自己做得对，”她说。

庞女士表示赞同，并指出有些人也感到压力，需要在社交媒体上不断发布自己的进展。

“当完美不再时，如果一个人的自我认同和自我价值是基于最初的受欢迎程度和认可而建立起来的，那么反馈、评论和迅速失去的人气可能会对某些人造成毁灭性的打击，”她说。

专家表示，下棋之类的爱好可以成为一种健康的社交方式，但如果让这种活动占据你的生活，那就需要警惕了。（图片：iStock）

如何找到合适的平衡点

克服对爱好的痴迷的第一步是认识到存在问题。

庞女士说：“你画画是因为你热爱绘画，还是因为你知道你想把画卖到一百万美元？你跑步是因为跑步给你带来快乐，还是为了追求名气？”

“了解你做这件事的目的是很有帮助的。”

她还补充说，向朋友和家人寻求反馈也至关重要。

“要有一个能给你提供建设性反馈的好圈子……这些人可能会告诉你，你在做某件事的方式上可能存在一些问题，”她说。

庞女士补充说，对爱好感到失望并不代表不健康，关键在于如何处理这些情绪。

“我们可以利用挫折来寻找其他策略，从而更好地发展我们的爱好，用我们通常所说的成长型思维来看待它。”

成长型思维是指相信自己的技能可以通过从失败中吸取教训和改进弱点而不断提高。

了解你进行这项活动的目的是很有帮助的。

另一种策略是找一位亲密的朋友或家人倾诉失望，最好是和有过类似挫折经历的人一起面对。

“这些挫折都会被正常化，这没什么大不了的，你可以从中恢复过来，我可以尝试从不同的人的不同经历中学习，”她说。

虽然沉迷于爱好对人的健康和人际关系的危害不如赌博和酗酒等恶习那么大，但如果它扰乱了日常生活，也需要专业人士的介入。

杰伊-李医生表示，十年前，到她诊所寻求帮助的人中，只有2%是希望更好地管理运动的业余运动员。而最近，这一比例已经增长到10%。

庞女士表示，对于与爱好有关的事情，寻求专业帮助往往并不明显，因为爱好本身被认为是好事。

“爱好本身不是问题，问题在于沉迷其中，”她说。

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