Workplace trauma can follow you even long after you leave the job. How do you recover?

Bullying, humiliation and relentless workplace stress can affect how people see themselves long after the workday – or even the job – ends. Workers and psychologists explain how to recognise when work is seriously affecting you and what recovery can look like.

Workplace trauma can severely affect one's self-esteem and self-worth. (Photo: iStock/Rudi Suardi)

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When Noah moved to Singapore over a decade ago to work at a multinational tech company, it felt like a dream come true.

The Indonesian middle manager described his first five years at the company as "pleasant" and "eye-opening". Then came a major organisational reshuffle, a new team and a new manager.

He said his new manager questioned his salary, insinuating it was "too high", made racist remarks and mocked his religious practices.

In one incident, someone in the team had used his laptop to send an email filled with insults and expletives to the wider department, including his peers and subordinates. It was revealed only later that his manager did it, and Noah, shocked and humiliated, was told that it was a "lesson to always lock his screen".

He also began experiencing physical symptoms. His left arm froze and became difficult to move, while getting up for work became a daily struggle.

"I was scared to come to work,” he said. “I also felt worthless; I believed all his insults, all his mockery.”

Though it has been years since he left the company, Noah, currently a 45-year-old business owner, said memories of his former manager can still bring on shivers and heart palpitations.

Like him, many of those who spoke to CNA Lifestyle requested to omit their full names because they were concerned sharing their experiences would affect their careers.

Experiences such as his are sometimes described as "workplace trauma", and clinical psychologist Amrit Kaur emphasised that sustained bullying, humiliation, harassment or chronic stress can overwhelm someone's normal capacity to cope and leave lasting effects.

"It is thus important to know what these experiences have done to someone's ability to function at work and beyond – and how they begin recovering from it," Kaur said.

Some instances that can lead to workplace trauma include constantly being bullied, humiliation in front of colleagues, and being screamed or yelled at. (Photo: iStock/hxyume)

HOW WORK CAN AFFECT YOU

Kaur said workplace-related distress can be particularly difficult because people are often expected to continue functioning in the very environment causing them harm, making the distress often go untreated or dismissed. This can lead to effects such as disrupted sleep, dread of the work week, going numb in meetings or being unable to bring themselves to answer an email.

Clinical psychologist Mahima Didwania of The Other Clinic added that trauma is subjective, and people can respond very differently to the same experience. Its effects can range from anxiety, depression and panic attacks to declining confidence and physical health.

Psychotherapist Michelle Mah, founder of The Curious Bonsai, said the impact can also show up as brain fog, poor memory, difficulty making decisions, rumination and a growing sense of helplessness.

For Hana, those signals were physical.

In the 31-year-old's first job in a laboratory, she said a senior colleague would roll her eyes, sigh loudly and sometimes push her aside when she struggled with a task. Hana found her “extremely condescending”, and because she had to interact with her a lot, her colleague’s demeanour made completing tasks difficult.

Eventually, merely seeing the colleague caused her palms to sweat and her heart to palpitate. She struggled to concentrate because she became afraid of making mistakes.

Similarly, Natasha was diagnosed with major depression when the 30-year-old was still working in public relations several years ago,

In that previous workplace, a senior colleague repeatedly berated her, swore at her in work chats and occasionally yelled at her in front of the team. As it took place only two months into her working life, she initially assumed such behaviour was normal.

"It wasn't just the fact I was yelled at," Natasha said. "It was the fact that no one in my team stood up for me – I ended up thinking, this is work life, this is what the rest of my life is going to be.”

Being constantly berated by a senior colleague or manager can make one feel worthless. (Photo: iStock/Liubomyr Vorona)

HOW WORKPLACE MISTREATMENT IMPACTS OUR SENSE OF SELF

For many people, work is not simply where they spend eight hours earning a salary; it’s also where they can assess how competent, successful and valuable they believe themselves to be, Kaur said.

"Especially for those of us who grew up in achievement-oriented cultures like Singapore, being competent at work is one of the few ways we get to feel valuable," Kaur said. "So when we are repeatedly attacked at work, there's often no separate, protected sense of self to retreat to. An attack on our professional competence can begin to feel like an attack on our entire selves."

She said workplace trauma can thus erode self-esteem, especially when professional achievement is closely tied to their identity.

Matthew (not his real name) experienced this in his previous role over five years ago.

He was then a healthcare manager whose supervisor initially came across as warm and personable, sometimes treating him to expensive meals and praising his initiative.

"But in the same breath as her praises, she would insult my colleagues and me in the name of 'having high standards' and 'coaching'," the 32-year-old said. "I was yelled at for things like a full trash bin and using the wrong words in a meeting."

He said several colleagues resigned within months, eventually leaving him as the last team member and taking on more of the workload.

Matthew, who took pride in his work, began believing what his manager said about him. During lunch, he would sometimes chain-smoke and cry at a void deck near his workplace before returning to work.

"I felt like I always needed to be on my toes because I've no idea when she'd explode again," he said. "I also felt worthless because I believed her insults."

THE NEED TO SEEK EXTERNAL HELP

Matthew resigned from the role after slightly more than a year. But while leaving can remove someone from the immediate source of their distress, it does not necessarily make its effects disappear.

Almost five years later, he said his mental health has improved considerably, yet when difficulties arise in his current job, he sometimes gets flashbacks of his time in his previous role.

Similarly, six years after she left her previous role, Hana, who is now in a different department at the same workplace, said that unexpectedly encountering her former colleague can cause her to be breathless and her palms to sweat.

"In such circumstances, people must find a safe space to process their emotions without work-related consequences or fear of judgment," Didwania said. “This can come in the form of close friends, family members or therapy.”

“Therapy can serve a particular purpose because it provides an external perspective,” she added. “It can also help people rebuild their sense of identity and confidence and work out their values and boundaries – especially if they’re figuring out other professional options.”

For Matthew, seeking professional help "was the best thing I could've done back then – and it frankly saved my life".

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HOW TO MANAGE IF YOU NEED TO STAY IN YOUR TOXIC WORKPLACE

"The best possible outcome when you face a lot of stress at work is to leave your job or find a new department – however, that isn't the reality for everyone," Didwania said.

While "just leave" may seem like the obvious solution to a damaging workplace, mortgages, children, ageing parents and other financial responsibilities do not disappear because a job has become unbearable, Didwania added.

Natasha, for instance, initially resigned from her first job but retracted her resignation when family circumstances meant she needed to remain employed.

For Zam, a 34-year-old marketing manager, every day presents what he calls a "dilemma in the struggle for the rice bowl".

He continues to work under a “moody boss” whose behaviour can range from "a mere condescending attitude" to what he described as screaming and bullying towards interns and staff.

"I honestly freeze and witness the abuse in real time," he said. "Even if I’m not at the receiving end of the abuse, I feel selfish and guilty for not being able to do much because I need the job and the money. I can only listen to the junior staff."

Kaur said this financial reality is precisely where conventional advice such as taking time off, resting or processing the experience in therapy can fall short. Instead, she recommends addressing the practical and psychological problems simultaneously.

On the practical side, that could mean assessing one's finances, understanding workplace or medical leave options, or exploring whether responsibilities can temporarily be changed. On the psychological side, it could mean seeking therapy or support from trusted people, establishing boundaries, and finding ways to make the workplace more manageable while one remains there.

For instance, Zam – who said that he cannot afford to regularly go for therapy – and his colleagues have also built their own support system.

"It sounds shallow, but laughing helps. We use humour as a coping mechanism by sharing memes about our predicament, and we always have each other's backs when our director's being a tyrant," he said. "Even those who have understandably left still check in with us from time to time."

That support does not change the workplace itself, but for Zam, it helps ensure he does not have to experience it alone.

FINDING MEANING IN LIFE BEYOND WORK

"Ultimately, recovery goes beyond finding a better employer – it's also about how one sees themselves separate from their work," Kaur said.

"The deeper protection is rebuilding a sense of self-worth that isn't entirely contingent on your job performance or how any one workplace treats you."

To Zam, stuck in a stressful work environment, that means making sure his life outside work remains full.

He spends time with his partner and family, pursues his hobbies and reminds himself that his life extends far beyond his workplace and the labels his boss puts on him.

Noah similarly made it a point to focus on his family, spirituality and hobbies as part of his recovery. During the tail-end of his time with his former manager, despite already spending a significant amount of time at work, he started attending events and programmes in his neighbourhood, went out with his wife and children, and made new friends beyond his professional circle.

Those relationships, he said, helped him recognise that people could value him for reasons that had nothing to do with his job.

"The only good thing from my bad experience is how I realised that not everything you do at work amounts to who you are as a person," Noah said.

"My friends don't perceive me based on what I can contribute at work. They don't even ask me what I do, my rank or company, or how much I earn – they just enjoy my company, and that has been incredibly healing."

A single handpicked story that we think you shouldn't miss. Just one a day.

职场霸凌、羞辱和持续不断的压力会影响人们在工作日结束甚至离职后很长一段时间内的自我认知。​​从业人员和心理学家的角度，我们将探讨如何识别工作何时对你造成严重影响，以及如何才能从中恢复过来。

职场创伤会严重影响一个人的自尊和自我价值感。（图片：iStock/Rudi Suardi）

这段音频由人工智能工具生成。

十多年前，诺亚搬到新加坡，在一家跨国科技公司工作，感觉就像梦想成真一样。

这位印尼中层经理形容他在公司的前五年“愉快”且“令人大开眼界”。随后公司进行了一次重大的组织架构调整，组建了新的团队，并迎来了一位新经理。

他说，他的新经理质疑他的薪水，暗示薪水“太高”，发表了种族歧视言论，并嘲笑他的宗教习俗。

有一次，团队里有人用笔记本电脑给整个部门，包括他的同事和下属，发送了一封充满侮辱和脏话的电子邮件。后来才知道是他的经理干的，诺亚感到震惊和羞辱，被告知这是个“教训，以后一定要锁屏”。

他也开始出现身体症状。他的左臂僵硬，难以活动，每天起床上班都成了件难事。

“我害怕来上班，”他说。“我也觉得自己一文不值；他所有的侮辱和嘲讽我都信以为真。”

虽然离开公司已经很多年了，但现年 45 岁的企业主诺亚表示，想起他以前的经理，仍然会感到不寒而栗，心跳加速。

和他一样，许多接受 CNA Lifestyle 采访的人都要求隐去全名，因为他们担心分享自己的经历会影响自己的职业生涯。

像他这样的经历有时被描述为“工作场所创伤”，临床心理学家阿姆里特·考尔强调，持续的欺凌、羞辱、骚扰或慢性压力会超出一个人的正常应对能力，并留下持久的影响。

“因此，了解这些经历对一个人在工作中及其他方面的能力造成了什么影响，以及他们如何开始从中恢复过来，是非常重要的，”考尔说。

导致职场创伤的一些情况包括：持续遭受欺凌、在同事面前被羞辱以及被大声呵斥或辱骂。（图片：iStock/hxyume）

工作如何影响你

考尔表示，与工作相关的压力尤其难以应对，因为人们往往被要求在造成伤害的环境中继续工作，导致这种压力常常得不到治疗或被忽视。这可能导致睡眠紊乱、害怕上班、开会时麻木，甚至无法回复邮件等问题。

The Other Clinic的临床心理学家玛希玛·迪德瓦尼亚补充说，创伤是主观的，人们对同一件事的反应可能截然不同。其影响范围很广，包括焦虑、抑郁、恐慌发作，以及自信心下降和身体健康受损。

心理治疗师、好奇盆栽创始人米歇尔·马赫表示，这种影响还可能表现为脑雾、记忆力差、难以做决定、反复思考和日益增长的无助感。

对哈娜来说，这些信号是身体上的。

这位31岁的女性在实验室的第一份工作中，遇到一位资深同事。她说，当她遇到工作难题时，这位同事会翻白眼、大声叹气，有时还会把她推到一边。哈娜觉得这位同事“极其傲慢”，而且由于她不得不经常和这位同事打交道，同事的态度让她很难完成工作。

最终，仅仅是看到那位同事，就让她手心冒汗、心跳加速。她难以集中注意力，因为她害怕犯错。

同样，娜塔莎几年前还在公共关系部门工作时，就被诊断出患有重度抑郁症。

在之前的公司里，一位资深同事多次斥责她，在工作聊天中辱骂她，有时甚至当着团队的面冲她大吼大叫。由于当时她入职才两个月，起初她以为这种行为很正常。

“不仅仅是被吼了一顿，”娜塔莎说，“而是我的团队里没有人站出来维护我——我最后想，这就是工作生活，这就是我余生的生活吗？”

经常受到资深同事或经理的责骂会让人觉得自己毫无价值。（图片：iStock/Liubomyr Vorona）

职场虐待如何影响我们的自我认知

考尔说，对许多人来说，工作不仅仅是他们花八小时挣工资的地方；也是他们评估自己能力、成功程度和价值的地方。

“尤其对于我们这些在新加坡等以成就为导向的文化中成长起来的人来说，工作能力是我们获得价值感的少数途径之一，”考尔说。“所以，当我们在工作中反复受到攻击时，往往没有一个独立的、受保护的自我意识可以依靠。对我们职业能力的攻击会让我们感觉像是对我们整个人格的攻击。”

她表示，工作场所的创伤会削弱自尊心，尤其是当职业成就与个人身份紧密相关时。

马修（化名）五年前在他之前的岗位上就经历过这种情况。

当时他是一名医疗保健经理，他的主管最初给人的印象是热情友善，有时会请他吃昂贵的饭菜，并称赞他的主动性。

“但她一边表扬我，一边又以‘高标准’和‘指导’的名义侮辱我和我的同事，”这位32岁的男子说道。“我曾因为垃圾桶满了、在会议上说了不恰当的话而被她大声呵斥。”

他说，几个月内有好几位同事辞职，最终只剩下他一个人，他不得不承担更多的工作。

马修对自己的工作引以为傲，但他开始相信经理对他的评价。午休时，他有时会在公司附近的组屋空地上抽烟哭泣，然后再返回工作岗位。

“我觉得自己必须时刻保持警惕，因为我不知道她什么时候会再次发火，”他说。“我也觉得自己很没用，因为我竟然相信了她的侮辱。”

寻求外部帮助的必要性

马修在任职一年多后辞职。但离开虽然能让人暂时摆脱痛苦的根源，却不一定能消除痛苦带来的影响。

近五年后，他说他的心理健康状况有了很大的改善，但当他目前的工作遇到困难时，他有时会回想起以前工作时的情景。

同样，离开原岗位六年之后，如今在同一单位不同部门工作的哈娜表示，意外遇到以前的同事会让她感到呼吸急促、手心冒汗。

迪德瓦尼亚说：“在这种情况下，人们必须找到一个安全的空间来处理自己的情绪，而不必担心工作上的后果或被评判。这可以是亲密的朋友、家人，也可以是心理咨询。”

她补充说：“心理治疗之所以能发挥特殊作用，是因为它提供了一个外部视角。它还可以帮助人们重建自我认同感和自信心，理清自己的价值观和界限——尤其是在他们探索其他职业选择的时候。”

对于马修来说，寻求专业帮助“是我当时能做的最好的事情——坦白说，它救了我的命”。

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如果你不得不留在充满毒害的工作环境中，该如何应对？

“当你面临巨大的工作压力时，最好的结果是离开这份工作或找到一个新的部门——然而，对于每个人来说，这并非现实，”迪德瓦尼亚说。

迪德瓦尼亚补充说，虽然“离开”似乎是解决工作场所弊端的显而易见的办法，但抵押贷款、子女、年迈的父母和其他经济责任并不会因为工作变得难以忍受而消失。

例如，娜塔莎最初辞去了她的第一份工作，但后来由于家庭情况需要继续工作，她又撤回了辞呈。

对于 34 岁的市场经理 Zam 来说，每天都面临着他所谓的“争夺饭碗的困境”。

他继续在一位“喜怒无常的老板”手下工作，这位老板的行为从“仅仅是居高临下的态度”到他所描述的对实习生和员工大喊大叫和欺凌，不一而足。

“说实话，我当时都吓呆了，只能眼睁睁地看着这一切发生，”他说。“即使我没有直接遭受虐待，我也会因为自己无能为力而感到自私和内疚，因为我需要这份工作和这份收入。我只能听从下属的指挥。”

考尔表示，正是这种经济现实使得传统的建议，例如休假、休息或接受心理治疗等，显得力不从心。她建议同时解决实际问题和心理问题。

从实际层面来说，这可能意味着评估个人财务状况，了解工作场所或医疗休假的选择，或者探讨是否可以暂时调整工作职责。从心理层面来说，这可能意味着寻求心理治疗或来自信任之人的支持，设定工作界限，以及找到在职期间让工作环境更容易掌控的方法。

例如，Zam（他表示自己负担不起定期接受治疗的费用）和他的同事们也建立了自己的支持系统。

“听起来可能有点肤浅，但笑一笑真的有用。我们用幽默来缓解压力，分享一些关于我们困境的表情包，而且当我们的导演像个暴君一样行事时，我们总是互相支持，”他说。“即使是那些已经离开的人，也仍然会时不时地和我们联系。”

这种支持并不会改变工作场所本身，但对 Zam 来说，它有助于确保他不必独自面对这一切。

在工作之外寻找人生意义

“归根结底，康复不仅仅是找到更好的雇主——它还关乎一个人如何看待自己与工作之间的关系，”考尔说。

“更深层次的保护是重建一种自我价值感，这种价值感并不完全取决于你的工作表现或任何一个工作场所如何对待你。”

对于身处压力巨大的工作环境中的 Zam 来说，这意味着要确保工作之外的生活充实而有意义。

他会花时间陪伴伴侣和家人，追求自己的爱好，并不断提醒自己，他的生活远远超出工作场所和老板给他贴的标签。

同样，诺亚在康复过程中也格外注重家庭、精神寄托和个人爱好。在他与前任经理共事的后期，尽管工作已经占据了他大量时间，但他仍然开始参加社区活动和项目，与妻子和孩子外出，并在工作圈子之外结交新朋友。

他说，这些关系帮助他认识到，人们会因为他与工作无关的原因而重视他。

诺亚说：“我从这段糟糕的经历中得到的唯一好处是，我意识到你在工作中所做的一切并不能完全代表你是一个怎样的人。”

“我的朋友们不会根据我在工作中的贡献来评判我。他们甚至不会问我做什么工作、我的职位、在哪家公司，或者我挣多少钱——他们只是享受和我在一起的时光，这对我是一种极大的治愈。”

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