When should a boss step in? What my own burnout taught me about managing others

When does feeling overwhelmed signal burnout, and when is it part of learning something difficult? Business founder Joanne Chia says it matters for employers to be able to tell the difference.

Feeling overwhelmed at work can be a sign of burnout, but it can also be part of learning and growth, writes business founder Joanna Chia. (Photo: CNA/Raydza Rahman)

This audio is generated by an AI tool.

It started with sleep.

I began having dreams about Excel sheets. Numbers, unfinished financial reports and problems that needed fixing followed me into my slumber.

I could sleep for seven or eight hours and still wake up feeling like I had never stopped working in the hair care business I had founded.

That's when I started to wonder: Is this burnout?

CNA Games Guess Word Crack the word, one row at a time Buzzword Create words using the given letters Mini Sudoku Tiny puzzle, mighty brain teaser Mini Crossword Small grid, big challenge Word Search Spot as many words as you can Show More Show Less I'd had the same thought just a few years earlier, when I first became a manager in my previous roles. I was dealing with heightened stress and exhaustion, and soon became convinced I was burnt out. Looking back, though, I think I was wrong. I was just depleted from navigating a steeper learning curve – tired from doing things I hadn't yet learnt to do well. Both experiences have made me realise how easily we can use "burnout" to describe very different kinds of exhaustion. Now that I’m an employer, knowing the difference matters even more. When someone tells me they are overwhelmed, I have to ask myself: Are we asking too much of them? Or are they going through the discomfort that sometimes comes with learning to do something difficult? And, perhaps, the most uncomfortable question: How do I know the difference between an employee who is simply struggling with a problem, and when I play a part in contributing to that struggle? WHEN I WAS WRONG ABOUT BURNOUT Before becoming a manager, my idea of doing a good job was fairly simple: Work hard, solve problems, be useful. If I put in enough effort, most things felt within my control. Then suddenly, after a promotion, I was responsible for other people.

I'd had the same thought just a few years earlier, when I first became a manager in my previous roles. I was dealing with heightened stress and exhaustion, and soon became convinced I was burnt out.

Looking back, though, I think I was wrong. I was just depleted from navigating a steeper learning curve – tired from doing things I hadn't yet learnt to do well.

Both experiences have made me realise how easily we can use "burnout" to describe very different kinds of exhaustion.

Now that I’m an employer, knowing the difference matters even more. When someone tells me they are overwhelmed, I have to ask myself: Are we asking too much of them? Or are they going through the discomfort that sometimes comes with learning to do something difficult?

And, perhaps, the most uncomfortable question: How do I know the difference between an employee who is simply struggling with a problem, and when I play a part in contributing to that struggle?

WHEN I WAS WRONG ABOUT BURNOUT

Before becoming a manager, my idea of doing a good job was fairly simple: Work hard, solve problems, be useful. If I put in enough effort, most things felt within my control.

Then suddenly, after a promotion, I was responsible for other people.

I found myself stressing more and more, not just about managing difficult conversations with my subordinates, but also about managing my own reaction to their reactions afterwards.

I would give a person feedback with the best intentions and spend the next three days replaying the 15-minute conversation in my head, wondering whether I had destroyed their confidence.

"Was I too harsh?" I'd wonder. "Did she understand what I meant? Is she upset with me now?"

At the time, I blamed some of this on the younger employees.

Almost a decade ago, I started my own career with a pretty typical old-school attitude towards work: If your boss tells you to do something, you do it. If you don't know how, you figure it out. Any discomfort or uncertainty is yours to deal with, not something you immediately raise with your manager.

So when young employees – both in my previous and current roles – wanted to discuss so many things with me, question my decisions, or understand the "why" behind an instruction, I found it exhausting.

Not long after becoming my own boss, I remember telling my co-founder: "I think I'm burnt out from dealing with Gen Zs ."

But after some time, I realised that as my younger employees were adjusting to the working world, I was adjusting too, to the responsibility of managing people.

And, honestly, I was quite bad at it. I didn't know how to tell the difference between being a good manager and simply being well-liked.

On top of my workload, my mind was constantly in overdrive, wondering if there was anything I could have said or done better.

No wonder I was tired.

The demands of running a business left Ms Joanne Chia feeling like she was always working, even when she was off the clock. (Photo: CNA/Raydza Rahman)

But over time, something changed. The difficult conversations were still difficult, but they stopped consuming me for days.

I learnt that someone could disagree with me without my decision necessarily being wrong. Someone could be unhappy with me, but that didn't automatically mean I had failed as a manager.

Most importantly, no matter how difficult my work week had been, I could always rest on the weekend and come back on Monday ready to try again.

I wasn't actually burnt out then. I was just inexperienced.

THIS TIME I REALLY WAS BURNT OUT

When I eventually faced actual burnout, it was actually much harder to recognise than those earlier false alarms.

There was no big breakdown – I didn't burst into tears in the middle of a meeting, nor did I pass out dramatically. As a business founder, there is always an "after".

After this product launch, things will calm down. After we hire this person, I’ll have more time. After this client is won, after this campaign is over – always "after".

I stopped focusing on the here and now and eventually even wins stopped feeling like wins. Something I had been worried about for weeks could finally go right, and within minutes I would already be thinking about whatever was wrong somewhere else.

And then the biggest shift: "rest" stopped being restful.

Physically, I would be in bed or out for a meal with my family. Mentally, I was still running the entire business in my head .

I was always "working", even when I wasn't.

Something I had been worried about for weeks could finally go right, and within minutes I would already be thinking about whatever was wrong somewhere else.

Everything started to feel heavy. Small problems irritated me much more than they should have. Even easy tasks exhausted me.

Sometimes I felt breathless even when nothing particularly urgent was happening. My body constantly felt like something was about to go wrong.

Eventually, even the things I loved best about my work started to feel flat too, like they were just another task I had to clear.

That's when I knew something was wrong.

WHEN IS IT TOO MUCH?

Becoming an employer adds a different dimension to identifying and dealing with burnout .

Now when someone tells me: "Boss, I'm overwhelmed", I have to figure out what that actually means.

Are they genuinely overloaded? Have we given them too much, or failed to set clear priorities? Did we give them responsibility without enough training?

Or are they still in adjustment mode, learning to do something difficult for the first time and experiencing the same stretched-ness and discomfort I once mistook in myself for burnout?

Sometimes, of course, it is both.

That is why I try not to jump straight to either "toughen up" or "okay, let’s take this off your plate". Both can be lazy answers.

Instead, I ask myself: Is this a capacity issue, a capability issue, or both? And then I ask them specific questions:

What is actually taking up most of your energy?

How was your weekend? Did you manage to rest? What did you do?

Is this one crazy week, or has every week started feeling crazy?

If I keep hearing that everything feels urgent, priorities keep changing, or people no longer know what "good" looks like, I have to be honest: the problem is probably not the employee's lack of resilience. It's on me as the employer.

You cannot build a chaotic system and then tell people they need to become more resilient inside it. Human beings have limits.

But I also don't think removing every uncomfortable responsibility is the answer.

If someone had taken every difficult conversation or problem away from me when I first became a manager, I would have been extremely relieved at the time. But I probably would never have learnt how to be a good manager.

KNOWING WHEN TO STEP IN

There have been times when I realised too late that someone was carrying too much. Sometimes I almost stepped in too early when what that person needed was more confidence and experience.

I still get that judgment wrong sometimes.

What has changed now is how I think about resilience.

I used to think it was about how much pressure you can take. But feeling drained or exhausted doesn't necessarily mean you lack resilience.

Now, I think the more important question is whether you can go through something difficult and eventually feel like yourself again.

Not every difficult period is burnout. But not every difficulty can simply be powered through, either.

As an employer, I think the goal shouldn't be to remove discomfort entirely, but to make sure people aren't struggling alone in a bad system.

I can give someone a difficult responsibility, but I also need to give them clarity about what doing a good job handling that responsibility looks like, equip them with the right context and training, and keep a close watch on how they're progressing.

If they're coming to me only when they reach breaking point, I need to ask myself: Am I doing enough?

I hope more employers understand that resilience isn't something you can keep drawing on endlessly. Even your strongest employee has a limit.

Support does not always mean taking the work away. Sometimes it is simply saying: "I know this is hard, but I think you can do it. I'm here if you get stuck."

Joanne Chia is the founder of hair care brand Rehues.

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感到压力过大究竟是倦怠的征兆，还是学习困难技能的正常过程？企业创始人乔安妮·奇亚表示，雇主能够区分这两种情况至关重要。

企业创始人乔安娜·奇亚 (Joanna Chia) 写道，工作压力过大可能是职业倦怠的征兆，但也可能是学习和成长的一部分。（图片：CNA/Raydza Rahman）

这段音频由人工智能工具生成。

一切都始于睡眠。

我开始梦见Excel表格。数字、未完成的财务报告和需要解决的问题如影随形地伴随着我进入梦乡。

我可以睡七八个小时，醒来后仍然感觉自己从未停止过在我创立的美发事业中工作。

那时我开始怀疑：这是不是职业倦怠？

CNA游戏 猜词游戏 逐行破解单词 流行词游戏 用给定的字母组成单词 迷你数独 小谜题，脑力挑战 迷你填字游戏 小方格，大挑战 单词搜索 尽可能多地找出单词 显示更多 显示更少 几年前，当我刚开始担任经理时，我也曾有过同样的想法。当时我承受着巨大的压力和疲惫，很快就确信自己已经精疲力竭。但现在回想起来，我认为我错了。我只是因为要应对更陡峭的学习曲线而筋疲力尽——疲于应付那些我还没掌握的技能。这两段经历让我意识到，我们很容易用“倦怠”来描述截然不同的疲惫状态。现在我是一名雇主，了解其中的区别就显得更加重要了。当有人告诉我他们感到压力过大时，我不得不问自己：我们是不是对他们要求过高了？或者他们只是在经历学习一些困难技能时偶尔会出现的不适感？或许，最令人不安的问题是：我如何区分员工仅仅是在努力解决问题，还是我自身也助长了他们的困境？ 我曾经对职业倦怠的理解是错误的 在成为管理者之前，我对做好工作的理解很简单：努力工作，解决问题，做出贡献。只要我付出足够的努力，大多数事情都在我的掌控之中。然而，突然之间，升职之后，我开始对其他人负责。

几年前，当我刚开始担任经理时，我也曾有过同样的想法。当时我压力巨大，精疲力竭，很快就确信自己已经筋疲力尽了。

不过现在回想起来，我觉得我错了。我只是因为要应对更陡峭的学习曲线而精疲力竭——疲于应付那些我还没掌握的技能。

这两段经历让我意识到，我们很容易用“倦怠”来描述截然不同的几种疲惫状态。

现在我身为雇主，了解其中的区别就显得更加重要了。当有人告诉我他们感到压力过大时，我必须问自己：我们是不是对他们要求太多了？或者他们只是在经历学习做某件困难事情时有时会伴随的不适感？

或许，最令人不安的问题是：我如何区分一个员工只是在努力解决问题，还是我参与导致了这种困境？

当我对职业倦怠的看法错了

在成为经理之前，我对做好工作的理解很简单：努力工作，解决问题，对公司有用。只要我付出足够的努力，大多数事情都在我的掌控之中。

然后突然间，升职之后，我就要负责其他人了。

我发现自己越来越焦虑，不仅是因为要处理与下属的棘手对话，还因为要控制自己对他们事后反应的反应。

我出于好意给别人反馈，然后在接下来的三天里，我一直在脑海里反复回放那15分钟的对话，琢磨着我是否摧毁了他们的自信心。

“我是不是太严厉了？”我心想。“她明白我的意思吗？她现在是不是生我的气了？”

当时，我把部分责任归咎于年轻员工。

大约十年前，我开始了自己的职业生涯，当时我对工作抱持着一种相当典型的老派态度：老板让你做什么，你就做什么。如果你不知道怎么做，你就自己想办法。任何不适或不确定感都应该由你自己去面对，而不是立刻向经理汇报。

所以，当年轻员工——无论是在我以前的岗位还是现在的岗位上——都想和我讨论很多事情，质疑我的决定，或者了解指令背后的“为什么”时，我感到筋疲力尽。

成为自己的老板后不久，我记得我曾告诉我的联合创始人：“我觉得我已经厌倦了和 Z 世代打交道。”

但过了一段时间后，我意识到，随着我的年轻员工们逐渐适应工作环境，我也在逐渐适应管理人员的责任。

说实话，我在这方面做得非常糟糕。我不知道如何区分优秀的管理者和仅仅受欢迎的人。

除了繁重的工作量，我的大脑也一直高速运转，不断思考自己是否有什么地方可以做得更好或说得更清楚。

难怪我这么累。

经营企业的种种事务让乔安妮·谢女士感觉自己即使在下班后也一直在工作。（图片：CNA/Raydza Rahman）

但随着时间的推移，情况发生了变化。那些艰难的对话依然艰难，但它们不再让我连续几天都为此寝食难安。

我明白了，即使有人不同意我的观点，我的决定也未必是错的。有人可能对我不满，但这并不意味着我作为管理者就失败了。

最重要的是，无论我一周的工作多么辛苦，我总能在周末休息，周一再精神饱满地回来继续努力。

我当时其实并没有筋疲力尽，只是缺乏经验。

这次我真的筋疲力尽了。

当我最终真正面临职业倦怠时，它实际上比之前那些虚惊一场的倦怠更难察觉。

并没有出现什么大崩溃——我没有在会议上突然嚎啕大哭，也没有突然晕倒。作为企业创始人，一切都还有“之后”的阶段。

产品发布之后，事情就会平静下来。招到这个人之后，我就有更多时间了。拿下这个客户之后，这个项目之后——总是“之后”。

我不再关注当下，最终连胜利也失去了胜利的意义。一些我担心了好几周的事情，好不容易有了进展，没过几分钟，我的思绪又会转移到其他地方的烦恼上。

然后，最大的转变发生了：“休息”不再是休息了。

身体上，我可能在床上，或者和家人外出吃饭。但精神上，我仍然在脑子里运转着整个公司。

即使不工作，我也总是“在工作”。

我担心了好几周的事情终于要好起来了，但几分钟之内，我又会开始想别的地方出了什么问题。

一切都变得沉重起来。一些小问题让我比平时更加​​烦躁。就连简单的任务也让我精疲力竭。

有时即使没有什么特别紧急的事情发生，我也会感到呼吸困难。我的身体总感觉好像有什么地方要出问题了。

最终，就连我最喜欢的工作内容也开始变得索然无味，仿佛只是我必须完成的另一项任务。

那时我就​​知道出事了。

什么时候才算过量？

成为雇主后，识别和处理职业倦怠问题就变得更加复杂。

现在如果有人跟我说：“老板，我工作量太大了”，我必须弄清楚这到底是什么意思。

他们真的工作量过大了吗？是我们给他们安排了太多工作，还是没有设定明确的优先事项？我们是否在没有给予足够培训的情况下就赋予了他们责任？

或者他们仍然处于适应期，第一次学习做某件困难的事情，并体验着我曾经误以为是自己倦怠的那种紧张和不适感？

当然，有时候两者兼而有之。

所以，我尽量避免直接说“坚强点”或者“好吧，我们帮你分担一下”。这两种说法都显得不够直接。

相反，我会问自己：这是产能问题、能力问题，还是两者兼而有之？然后我会问他们一些具体的问题：

你的大部分精力究竟被什么事情消耗掉了？

你的周末过得怎么样？休息好了吗？你都做了些什么？

是只有这周很疯狂，还是感觉每周都变得很疯狂？

如果我总是听到员工抱怨所有事情都感觉很紧急，优先事项不断变化，或者人们已经不知道“好”的标准是什么，那我必须坦诚地说：问题可能不在于员工缺乏韧性，而在于我作为雇主的责任。

你不能先建立一个混乱的系统，然后告诉人们他们需要在这个系统中变得更有韧性。人的能力是有限的。

但我也不认为解除所有令人不舒服的责任是解决之道。

如果有人在我刚当经理的时候就替我处理所有棘手的谈话或问题，我当时肯定会如释重负。但我可能永远也学不会如何成为一名优秀的经理。

知道何时介入

有时我才意识到别人背负了太多重担，但为时已晚。有时我几乎插手过早，而他们真正需要的只是更多的自信和经验。

我有时还是会做出错误的判断。

现在改变的是我对韧性的看法。

我以前认为这取决于你能承受多大的压力。但感到精疲力竭并不一定意味着你缺乏韧性。

现在，我认为更重要的问题是，你是否能够经历一些困难的事情，并最终重新找回自我。

并非所有困难时期都是倦怠。但也不是所有困难都能靠硬撑过去。

作为雇主，我认为目标不应该是完全消除不适感，而是确保人们不会在一个糟糕的体制中独自挣扎。

我可以委派某人一项艰巨的任务，但我也需要让他们清楚地了解如何才能做好这项任务，为他们提供正确的背景知识和培训，并密切关注他们的进展情况。

如果他们只有在濒临崩溃时才来找我，我需要问问自己：我做得够好吗？

我希望更多雇主能够明白，韧性并非可以无限消耗。即使是最优秀的员工，也有极限。

支持并不总是意味着替你分担工作。有时，它只是简单地说：“我知道这很难，但我相信你能做到。如果你遇到困难，我随时都在。”

Joanne Chia是护发品牌Rehues的创始人。

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