You, me and ChatGPT: From Tinder to texting, AI tools are complicating dating norms

Finding "the right one" can be difficult, but even more so now that artificial intelligence (AI) tools have entered the picture.

AI is becoming the third wheel in online dating, with AI tools used to help craft people's online dating profiles, messages and pictures (Photo: iStock)

This audio is generated by an AI tool.

When 27-year-old Cleo Chua met a man on dating app OkCupid last November, he seemed like quite a catch.

Compared with some of the other profiles she had matched with previously, the 30-year-old seemed pretty different. He had a well-thought out dating profile biography, was eloquent over text and responded to her in full sentences.

They had no issues keeping the conversation flowing, and after a few hours, they decided to move over to messaging app Telegram.

Once they were away from the dating app's messaging platform, the red flags immediately started to appear. Every message he sent had an em dash and was italicised, which are traits commonly associated with AI-generated messages.

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"At first, I thought he was speaking very formally but then the italicised words made me question if he had been using AI to talk to me," said Ms Chua, who works as an analyst.

Before she could ask him what was going on, he gave up the pretence and started texting as himself. His well-crafted sentences gave way to broken English.

When she confronted him, he replied: "Because am lazy to text msg (sic)".

Said Ms Chua, who no longer uses dating apps: "I was shocked and annoyed, because I didn't even realise people would use AI to text.

"I felt I was being misled."

The introduction of online dating apps in the last decade or so has given singles the promise of finding "the one" through easier connections from an instant and wide pool of possibilities.

But with convenience came complications including fake profiles, catfishing and superficial connections.

Dating apps have begun offering AI tools on their platforms. While most of these tools are for user safety and to give users better profile matches to swipe on, some of these AI-powered features are also for users to use directly on their apps.

While Tinder initially introduced an AI tool that helped enhance photos, the tool was put on pause in July this year after it had altered some users' appearances.

Earlier this year, dating app Coffee Meets Bagel rolled out an AI tool that offers personalised prompts for conversations based on someone's profile.

It had conducted a survey in November 2025 of more than 1,000 working professionals in Singapore aged 21 to 35 and found that about nine in 10 are open to using AI in their dating lives.

But this openness to AI did come with some caveats. Some 87 per cent wanted control over how and when it was used, while 77 per cent were also concerned that it would make dating feel less authentic.

"That tells us people are not rejecting AI but are asking for thoughtful boundaries," said Mr Jason Teo, head of product for the platform.

Beyond AI tools appearing as add-ons in dating apps, some users are independently using these large language models to plan dates, craft messages and decode messages from matches.

Dating app users whom CNA TODAY spoke to were mixed in their views when asked how extensive a role AI should play in finding love online.

Some felt it had made it harder to find an authentic match and build a real connection, while others defended such tools because they had helped them navigate otherwise tricky situations.

In the "no" camp when it comes to AI use when dating is Ms Mitch Sene, 24, who immediately swipes left if she sees traces of AI being used in a profile's bio.

She said she has also seen profiles clearly written by AI, which are devoid of personality, as well as AI-generated profile photos in the style of Japanese animation studio Studio Ghibli.

"AI is a turnoff for me. If you had confidence, you would be putting your own photo," said the undergraduate, echoing the sentiments of other singles who spoke to CNA TODAY.

"How can you trust someone who won't put their true self forward?"

Several dating app users told CNA TODAY that they look out for tell-tale signs of AI use in dating profiles, like perfectly curated bios and AI-generated photos. (Photo: iStock)

Undergraduate Michael Tan, 24, has also received messages from dates which he believes are AI-generated.

In one instance, he received a message that included a line from an AI tool: "Here's how you can reply to him to show your enthusiasm."

For him, AI use is a deal breaker.

"Imagine we dated, and we have to have a serious and important conversation. Or maybe we argue about something, and this long, perfectly PC (politically correct) message gets sent," he said.

"Are we really communicating? And how would we be able to converse face to face if they need ChatGPT to talk for them?"

For 26-year-old Wendy, a civil servant, who turned to dating apps after a bad break-up, she had been open to tolerating matches who used AI for messaging or massaging their profiles but she hit her limit with AI use after receiving an unsolicited sexual image.

Last December, after chatting extensively with one of her Tinder matches, she thought it was worth taking the conversation off the dating app. They exchanged Instagram handles at first, and soon moved their conversation over to Telegram.

About a month later, the man began sending her sexual messages. Before she could react, he sent an unsolicited image of a penis.

"I was shocked because I only saw the messages a few hours later as I was at work," said Wendy, who declined to give her full name.

She immediately blocked his account but when she met her friends a few days later and recounted the story, they were curious to read her conversation with him.

That was when they noticed that the picture was AI-generated.

"I mean, there were six fingers," she said, of the hand grasping the male genitalia. "I was shocked. Why would anyone do that?"

After getting over the shock of receiving such an image, Wendy grew increasingly worried about the use of AI to generate the image.

"You see all these stories about deepfakes ... The more I thought about it, the more scared I felt ... What if he had taken my pictures from Instagram and generated something awful?" she said.

Since Aug 17, producing intimate images, including AI-generated material, without consent is punishable with up to two years' jail, a fine, or both.

Wendy did not report the matter to the authorities, but has stopped using dating applications since.

"I can't trust the people I meet online; I am always second-guessing if they are real," she said.

While some singles are firmly in the "no" camp, others told CNA TODAY that they had good reasons for using AI to help them in their dating journey, including planning dates and helping them overcome their anxiety of getting to know someone new online.

Mr Wong, 36, who declined to be fully named as his girlfriend is not aware of his AI use, admitted that he is a "nervous texter".

"I don't know what to say, how to continue a conversation online. I'm just bad at texting, and I was worried about how to make a good impression while texting online," he said.

"You only have a few messages to make that good first impression."

He used ChatGPT to help polish up his messages with his now-girlfriend when they first matched each other on Tinder in February this year.

"Our first date went fine in person and she didn't suspect that I used ChatGPT for some help. The messages were still very much me – I just added a little polish to give a better impression," he told CNA TODAY.

He still uses ChatGPT occasionally when he is unable to find the right words to convey a message, such as when they discuss sensitive topics such as long-term goals and family planning.

Like Mr Wong, it seems many other singles are keen to embrace anything that can help them over the anxiety of crafting that first message.

Coffee Meets Bagel said that 90 per cent of its users keep their "topic suggestions" feature on. This AI feature suggests conversation starters based on a user's profile and chat context, said the firm's Mr Teo.

"Rather than simply copying and pasting a suggestion verbatim, many use it for inspiration and personalise it in their own voice before hitting send," he added.

It seems even professionals in the business of writing need a little backup help when it comes to online dating.

Ms Savitha Ravindran, 29, who works in public relations, said she used AI to give her a second opinion on how to write a good message when she was on dating app Bumble and to also help decode messages she received.

"It's ironic that I write for a living but need AI to help me craft a good message and understand what my date is saying. But when emotions are involved, I just need a second opinion," she said.

She said she has never used a message wholesale from an AI tool to text her dates as she still wants her messages to come from her "own voice", so she tweaks the suggested responses instead.

Experts said AI can be a useful tool to help find love, but must be used in moderation. (Photo: iStock)

She also uses AI tools like ChatGPT to help her navigate her emotions like when she is frustrated, but tries to limit its use to be "as real as possible" with her partner.

Some of her friends use AI tools to help them prepare for their first in-person date by memorising answers to questions that can be difficult to answer, like how to describe their exes and what happened in their previous relationships that failed.

Their strategy however has not always been welcomed by other users.

"Some have been called out for using AI, because they seem different in person than in real life," she said.

SHOULD TECHNOLOGY GUIDE CUPID'S ARROW?

Dating coaches and counsellors told CNA TODAY that the use of AI is not necessarily bad, and most of the time depended to what extent it was used.

"Love is such an intrinsic part of the human experience that the idea of optimising love with AI obviously feels incongruous and disconnected with what society and media have brought us up with: the sense of destiny, meet-cutes and soulmates," said Ms Noorindah Iskandar, the founder of love and intimacy website Shy and Curious.

"It’s easy in this sense to get suspicious or demonise the role of AI to help us in love."

Ms Noorindah, who is single, admitted that AI had made her more sceptical of every online dating profile she swiped on.

But the real consideration, she said, was whether someone's in-person interactions matched their online AI persona.

"At the end of the day, you’ll still have to interact with potential partners in real life at social settings and get to know whether how they’re like in person and online align," she said.

Ms Theresa Pong, the founder and counselling director at The Relationship Room, said that she has observed many clients using generative AI to help understand their relationship challenges.

"AI can be a useful tool to help us reflect, gain perspective and even find ways to express ourselves better," she said.

But she warned that AI should not be used to present a false version of yourself.

"It can help you think of a date idea, organise your thoughts or find the right words when you are struggling to express yourself. But the feelings, intentions and values behind those words should always be your own," said Ms Pong.

While the use of AI in dating has certainly made it more complicated for singles to navigate the dating scene, one expert pointed out that it could actually help users make swift decisions on compatibility.

Said Ms Grace Ann Chua, a dating coach at relationship education company Steady SG: "We'll increasingly see people discerning not just how someone uses AI, but how much they rely on it, and whether that's something they can live with in a partner."

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找到“合适的人”可能很困难，但随着人工智能 (AI) 工具的出现，这种情况就更加困难了。

人工智能正在成为在线约会的“第三者”，人工智能工具被用来帮助人们创建在线约会个人资料、撰写信息和上传照片（图片：iStock）。

这段音频由人工智能工具生成。

去年11月，27岁的克莱奥·蔡（Cleo Chua）在约会软件OkCupid上认识了一位男士，他看起来相当不错。

与她之前匹配过的其他一些对象相比，这位30岁的男士似乎截然不同。他的个人资料写得很用心，短信交流流畅，回复也总是用完整的句子。

他们之间的对话进行得很顺利，几个小时后，他们决定转到即时通讯应用 Telegram 上继续交流。

一旦他们离开约会软件的聊天平台，危险信号就立刻显现出来。他发送的每条信息都带有破折号，并且是斜体字，这些都是人工智能自动生成信息常见的特征。

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“起初，我以为他说话很正式，但后来斜体字让我怀疑他是不是在用人工智能跟我说话，”身为分析师的蔡女士说。

她还没来得及问他到底发生了什么事，他就放弃了伪装，开始用自己的真实身份发短信。他原本精心雕琢的句子也变成了蹩脚的英语。

当她质问他时，他回答说：“因为我懒得发短信（原文如此）”。

蔡女士表示，她已经不再使用约会软件：“我感到震惊和恼火，因为我甚至没有意识到人们会使用人工智能来发短信。”

“我觉得自己被误导了。”

过去十年左右，在线约会应用程序的出现，让单身人士看到了通过更便捷的联系，从即时且广泛的潜在对象中找到“真命天子/女”的希望。

但便利也带来了诸多问题，包括虚假个人资料、网络诈骗和肤浅的人际关系。

约会应用已开始在其平台上提供人工智能工具。虽然大多数工具旨在保障用户安全，并为用户提供更精准的匹配对象，但其中一些人工智能功能也供用户直接在应用内使用。

虽然 Tinder 最初推出了一款人工智能工具来帮助增强照片，但由于该工具改变了一些用户的外貌，因此在今年 7 月暂停了该工具的使用。

今年早些时候，约会应用 Coffee Meets Bagel 推出了一款人工智能工具，可以根据用户的个人资料提供个性化的对话提示。

该公司于 2025 年 11 月对新加坡 1000 多名 21 至 35 岁的职场人士进行了一项调查，发现约有十分之九的人愿意在约会生活中使用人工智能。

但这种对人工智能的开放态度也伴随着一些顾虑。约87%的人希望能够控制人工智能的使用方式和时间，同时77%的人也担心人工智能会让约会显得不够真实。

“这告诉我们，人们并非拒绝人工智能，而是要求对其进行深思熟虑的界定，”该平台的产品负责人 Jason Teo 先生说道。

除了人工智能工具作为约会应用程序的插件出现之外，一些用户还在独立使用这些大型语言模型来计划约会、撰写消息和解码匹配对象发送的消息。

CNA TODAY 采访了一些约会应用程序用户，当被问及人工智能应该在网上寻找爱情中发挥多大的作用时，他们的看法不一。

有些人认为这让找到真正合适的伴侣和建立真正的联系变得更加困难，而另一些人则为这类工具辩护，因为它们帮助他们应对了原本棘手的情况。

24 岁的米奇·塞内女士对在约会中使用人工智能持“反对”态度，如果她在个人资料简介中看到任何使用人工智能的痕迹，她都会立即向左滑动。

她表示，她还见过一些明显由人工智能生成的个人资料，这些资料缺乏个性，以及一些人工智能生成的、风格类似日本动画工作室吉卜力工作室的个人资料照片。

“人工智能让我很反感。如果你有信心，你就会放自己的照片，”这位大学生说道，这番话也道出了其他接受 CNA TODAY 采访的单身人士的心声。

“你怎么能信任一个不愿展现真实自我的人呢？”

多位约会软件用户告诉 CNA TODAY，他们会留意约会资料中人工智能使用的蛛丝马迹，例如精心撰写的个人简介和人工智能生成的照片。（图片：iStock）

24岁的本科生迈克尔·谭也收到过一些他认为是人工智能生成的约会信息。

有一次，他收到一条消息，其中包含来自人工智能工具的一句话：“你可以这样回复他，以表达你的热情。”

对他来说，人工智能的使用是绝对不能接受的。

“想象一下，我们正在约会，然后我们需要进行一次严肃而重要的谈话。或者，我们可能因为某件事争吵，然后发送了一条冗长但完全符合政治正确的短信，”他说。

“我们真的在沟通吗？如果他们需要 ChatGPT 来替他们说话，我们又如何进行面对面的交流呢？”

26 岁的公务员温迪在经历了一次糟糕的分手后开始使用约会软件，她原本可以容忍那些使用人工智能进行信息交流或完善个人资料的匹配对象，但在收到一张未经请求的性暗示图片后，她对人工智能的使用达到了忍无可忍的地步。

去年12月，她和一位在Tinder上认识的人聊得很投机，觉得应该把聊天转移到Telegram上。他们一开始交换了Instagram账号，很快就把聊天转移到了Telegram上。

大约一个月后，这名男子开始给她发性骚扰信息。在她还没来得及反应之前，他又发了一张未经允许的阴茎照片。

“我当时很震惊，因为我上班的时候才看到这些信息，”温迪说道，她拒绝透露自己的全名。

她立即​​屏蔽了他的账号，但几天后她与朋友们见面并讲述了这件事时，朋友们都很好奇她与他的对话内容。

那时他们才注意到，这张图片是人工智能生成的。

“我的意思是，那只手有六根手指，”她指着抓住男性生殖器的那只手说。“我当时震惊了。为什么会有人这么做？”

收到这样一张图片后，温迪从震惊中缓过神来，越来越担心人工智能被用于生成这张图片。

“你看，到处都是关于深度伪造的新闻……我越想越害怕……万一他从我的Instagram上盗用了我的照片，然后制作出可怕的东西怎么办？”她说道。

自 8 月 17 日起，未经同意制作私密图像（包括人工智能生成的图像）​​将受到最高两年监禁、罚款或两者并罚的处罚。

Wendy没有向有关部门报告此事，但从那以后就停止使用约会软件了。

“我无法信任在网上认识的人；我总是怀疑他们是否真实存在，”她说。

虽然有些单身人士坚决反对，但也有一些人告诉 CNA TODAY，他们有充分的理由使用人工智能来帮助他们进行约会，包括计划约会和帮助他们克服在网上认识新朋友的焦虑。

36岁的黄先生拒绝透露全名，因为他的女友并不知道他使用人工智能，他承认自己是个“紧张的短信使用者”。

“我不知道该说什么，也不知道该如何继续网上聊天。我不太擅长发短信，我很担心怎样才能在网上聊天时给人留下好印象，”他说。

“你只有几次机会给人留下良好的第一印象。”

今年二月，他和现在的女友在 Tinder 上第一次配对成功后，他使用 ChatGPT 来帮助润色他与女友的聊天信息。

“我们的第一次线下约会很顺利，她并没有怀疑我用了ChatGPT来帮忙。信息内容依然很真实——我只是稍微润色了一下，让她觉得我更好，”他告诉CNA TODAY。

他偶尔还会使用 ChatGPT，当他找不到合适的词语来表达信息时，例如在讨论长期目标和家庭计划等敏感话题时。

和黄先生一样，似乎很多单身人士都渴望接受任何能够帮助他们克服撰写第一条信息焦虑的方法。

Coffee Meets Bagel表示，90%的用户都开启了“话题推荐”功能。该公司负责人张先生解释说，这项人工智能功能会根据用户的个人资料和聊天内容推荐一些话题作为开场白。

“与其简单地原封不动地复制粘贴建议，许多人会从中汲取灵感，用自己的语言进行个性化修改，然后再点击发送，”他补充道。

看来即使是写作行业的专业人士，在网上约会方面也需要一些帮助。

29 岁的萨维塔·拉文德兰 (Savitha Ravindran) 从事公共关系工作，她说她在使用约会软件 Bumble 时，利用人工智能为她提供如何撰写好信息的第二意见，并帮助她解读收到的信息。

“讽刺的是，我靠写作谋生，却需要人工智能来帮我撰写好的信息，理解约会对象在说什么。但当涉及到情感时，我只是需要第二个意见，”她说。

她说她从来没有直接使用人工智能工具发送短信给约会对象，因为她仍然希望自己的短信是“自己的声音”，所以她会修改建议的回复。

专家表示，人工智能可以成为寻找爱情的有用工具，但必须适度使用。（图片：iStock）

她还会使用 ChatGPT 等 AI 工具来帮助自己应对沮丧等情绪，但她会尽量限制自己使用这些工具，以便与伴侣“尽可能真实地”相处。

她的一些朋友使用人工智能工具来帮助他们准备第一次线下约会，例如记住一些难以回答的问题的答案，比如如何描述他们的前任以及他们之前失败的恋情中发生了什么。

然而，他们的策略并非总是受到其他用户的欢迎。

“有些人因为使用人工智能而被批评，因为他们本人和现实生活中的样子看起来不一样，”她说。

科技应该指引丘比特之箭吗？

约会教练和咨询师告诉 CNA TODAY，使用人工智能并不一定是坏事，大多数时候取决于它的使用程度。

“爱情是人类体验中如此内在的一部分，以至于用人工智能优化爱情的想法显然与社会和媒体从小灌输给我们的观念——命运感、浪漫邂逅和灵魂伴侣——显得格格不入，甚至脱节，”爱情与亲密关系网站 Shy and Curious 的创始人 Noorindah Iskandar 女士说道。

“从这个意义上讲，人们很容易对人工智能在帮助我们谈恋爱方面的作用产生怀疑或妖魔化它。”

单身的努琳达女士承认，人工智能让她对她滑动浏览的每一个在线约会资料都更加怀疑。

但她表示，真正的考量在于，一个人的现实生活中的互动是否与其在线 AI 形象相符。

“归根结底，你仍然需要在现实生活中的社交场合与潜在伴侣互动，了解他们在现实生活中和网络上的性格是否一致，”她说。

The Relationship Room 的创始人兼咨询总监 Theresa Pong 女士表示，她观察到许多客户使用生成式人工智能来帮助理解他们的关系挑战。

“人工智能可以成为帮助我们反思、获得新视角，甚至找到更好地表达自己的有用工具，”她说。

但她警告说，不应该利用人工智能来呈现虚假的自我形象。

“它可以帮助你想到约会点子，整理思路，或者在你难以表达自己时找到合适的词语。但这些话语背后的感受、意图和价值观应该始终是你自己的想法，”庞女士说。

虽然人工智能在约会中的应用无疑让单身人士在约会中更加复杂，但一位专家指出，它实际上可以帮助用户快速判断彼此是否合适。

Steady SG 关系教育公司约会教练 Grace Ann Chua 女士表示：“我们将越来越看到人们不仅会辨别一个人如何使用人工智能，还会辨别他们对人工智能的依赖程度，以及他们是否能够接受伴侣的这种行为。”

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